"No! Stop! Let go of that!" Al (Al Montgomery, not Al & BT Al) exclaimed, trying to pull the Acme Transporter/Transmogrifyer 3000 plus Blue Flame model with a copper booster (it can zap people and things in and out of computers) out of Emma's grasp.
"No! Mine!" Emma (Al's daughter) pouted defiantly and hugged the gun tighter.
Al sighed and sat back to watch what would happen. Sam turned around from her position at the computer.
"Al, you'd better keep trying…you know what might happen if she holds on to that," she warned Al. Al sighed again and commenced trying to coax Emma into letting go of the gun. Sam turned back to the computer, where she was reading the latest Al and BT chronicles. Just as she was getting started with a new one, there was a giggle and a bright flash of blue light.
Seconds later, Sam and several other members of the SHAV (http://www.geocities.com/shavstory) landed with a thump on a hard surface. Of course, nobody knew what it was because they didn't want to open their eyes.
"What was that?" Sam groaned, staying put.
"Emma set the gun off," Al replied, trying to sit up and falling back down again.
"Ugh, I noticed," Bob groaned from somewhere off to Sam's right.
"Can we take roll call or something?" Sam asked, "Just so we know who we've got. Then we can get around to figuring out where we are."
"I'm here," said several people at once. Sam asked them to slow down and soon Al, Bob, Neko, Nick, AJ, Howie, Juice, Jeff, Flare, and Oddity Boy had all replied.
"So basically the whole organization," Sam sighed.
"But where the heck are we?" Flare asked, managing to stand up. She took a few steps to steady herself and bumped into something giant, green, and fishy.
"Hey!" the thing yelled, and soon Flare found herself flying across the room.
"Sassip dear, don't punt the strangers," someone said in a British accent.
"Mommy, there's funny people in the pad thingy!" a childish voice shrieked in Sam's ear.
"But how did they get here? HOW??" the British accent asked, giggling.
"Oh holy zarking fuzzy…" Sam shook her head and sat up, only to be pulled halfway down again by someone yanking on her hair.
"MT! Don't pull people's hair! It's not nice!" a girl rushed in and got Sam's hair free from the grasp of a boy who was quite old looking for a kid.
"No, no! Darn it Al, why did you let Emma set the gun off?" Sam exclaimed, jumping to her feet and helping Flare up from where she was squished against the wall.
"Who's Emma?" asked the girl who had gotten MT off Sam's hair.
"Not you Al, her Al!" Sam pointed to where Al was standing, clinging to AJ in a Neko-like manner.
"Where are we?" Neko's voice asked. She was obviously hiding somewhere, probably behind Howie.
Sam sighed and began explaining as quickly as she could about the Al and BT chronicles. She was trying to avoid getting her hair pulled again by MT, who had gotten free from Al (the chronicles Al) and was running around screaming for lemonade pops.
"So, to make a long story short, we're stuck. Ow!" Sam exclaimed, bending backwards as MT grabbed her hair.
"Stop it MT dearest honey sweetie thing," Al's motherly tone caused many retching noises from AJ, Juice, and Jeff.
"Hey!" Al exclaimed, attempting to pick MT up and failing, "It's not my fault he imprinted upon me and not BT the boofer!"
"Okay! Slow down!" Sam exclaimed, holding up her hands, "What in fuzzy is going on here?"
"Apparently, you just showed up out of nowhere," Mike said, wandering into the pad and sitting down on the couch.
"Hey, you're not figments, are you?" Peter asked suspiciously.
"Where'd you come from?" Sam wondered.
"I was around," Peter replied and plopped down on the couch next to Mike.
"Ahhh! Too much…blonde confused!" Neko stumbled out from behind Howie, holding her head. Consequentially, she wasn't looking where she was going and bumped into Sassip. She ended up getting punted into the opposite wall.
"Ugh, I don't think I'm going to like this," Flare groaned.
"Who're the chicks and other people?" Davy asked suddenly.
"You just realized we're here?" Jeff asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Sorry. I was eating poundcake," Davy shoved some poundcake into his mouth and wandered off into the kitchen to try and find more. Jeff, seeming entranced by the mention of food, followed him.
"Okay, that was just odd," Sam shook her head, "Now, as I was saying…"
Suddenly another girl poofed in, cutting Sam's statement short. "Al! What did you do with my BPFL?" the girl demanded.
"Huh?" asked Al, who was still attached to AJ.
"Nothing! You probably lost it yourself!" Al admonished.
"Too many Als!" Neko gasped from her upside-down position by the wall, "Blonde…taking over…brain…"
Davy came out of the kitchen, followed by Jeff. They were each carrying about twenty containers full of poundcake. Suddenly, Davy stopped short, dropped the containers he was carrying, and started twinkling at Neko, even though she was still upside-down against the wall.
"Hey! What's up with that?" Howie exclaimed angrily.
Davy snapped out of his twinkly state. "What?"
"Don't you be making weird eye twinklies at my girlfriend, short boy!" Howie growled.
Neko giggled. "Aw, he's so cute when he fights for me."
"Hey! You're not very tall, either!" Davy protested, cramming some poundcake into his mouth to steady himself.
"I'm taller than you!" Howie inched up onto his tiptoes and towered over Davy by a good three inches.
"No fair!" Davy whined and went to sit in Sassip's pouch. That turned out to be a bad idea since Sassip was starting to nod off. Soon she flopped over and the muffled shrieking of Davy could be heard.
"This is insane!" Juice exclaimed, speaking up for the first time, "What kind of place is this?"
No one answered her. Al and Al were too busy glaring at each other for no reason that was yet apparent. BT was hunting her BPFL - and Micky - down. Davy was very carefully wiggling his way out of Sassip's pouch. Flare and Oddity Boy were sitting on the couch with Mike and Peter, trying to stay out of things. Jeff was munching poundcake. Bob, AJ, and Juice were standing around uncomfortably, trying to stay out of the way of Sassip's growing pool of drool. Howie was trying to get Neko to stop babbling about blonde-ness, and Nick was shielding Sam's hair from MT, who was running around with a lemonade pop.
"Oh, here Nick, let me just braid it. That will keep him from pulling it out at the roots, at least," Sam shook out her hair and began braiding it, which was quite a long process since her hair was past her behind.
"Pwetty hair! Pwetty hair!" yelled MT, reaching for it with a sticky hand. "Eek! Keep him away from me!" Sam ran away from MT as best she could while still braiding her hair.
"Hey, you still haven't told us who you are, you know," BT said, returning from the kitchen with a vile-smelling sandwich.
Sam took a deep breath. "We're superheroes. I know it sounds kind of weird, maybe…"
"Hey, we're Monkeemen!" Peter exclaimed.
"Not the same," Sam shook her head, "We're professional superheroes. We've got a definite group of enemies - The Big Fanny and her gang to be specific - and we're constantly trying to stop her from terrorizing both us and the town we live near. We've got a headquarters and she's got a hideout. Most of our superhero organization - the SHAV (SuperHeroes Against Villains) - ended up here by some unfortunate twist of childhood humor and an incident with a very complicated gun."
"Super peoples go boom?" MT asked gleefully.
"No honey dearest person thing," Al explained, "They got zapped in. Like mommy poofs in sometimes."
"Fart!" MT said decisively and went off to do who knows what.
"I wish he wouldn't say that," Al shook her head, "But it's better than his 'breffast seral' obsession."
"Wait a minute!" Al exclaimed, "I just figured out what's wrong here! My name is Al! You can't have my name!"
"Well, tough!" Al huffed, "I wasn't named Al in any sort of connection with you."
"It's still mine!" Al glared at Al. AJ rolled his eyes.
"Even if everyone in this room was named Al, I'd still know my Al from them all," he said, trying to end the conflict.
Al turned to him and flashed a very sweet smile for about half a second. Then she turned back to Al and started pulling Tai-Kwon-Do moves on her (the superhero Al has some insanely high Tai-Kwon-Do belt).
"Ow! Davy! Help!" Al screamed, getting her butt kicked.
"So what are we going to do about this situation?" Mike asked Peter.
"I dunno," Peter said thoughtfully, "I think I like it. It's very entertaining."
"True," Mike agreed, "But I think things around here are crazy enough already."
"Hey, where's Micky?" Davy asked suddenly, finally managing to get himself out from under Sassip.
"Yah! BT, get off me!" Micky limped in with BT attached to his leg.
"What the *cuckoo* is going on here?" Jeff demanded, seeming upset that his poundcake consumption had been interrupted.
"Hey, save some for me!" Davy whined.
"Poundcake? That sounds good," Al said dreamily, abandoning beating up Al for the time being. She wandered into the kitchen and took something out of the refrigerator. She was about to eat it when it spoke up.
"Don't eat me!" it exclaimed.
"Poundcake!" Davy cried, "Don't eat Poundcake!"
"What the *cuckoo*?" Al asked quizzically, staring into the container that housed Davy's good friend the sentient poundcake, "I don't think I'm hungry anymore." She put the container back, looking slightly green.
"Hey!" BT exclaimed from her new perch on Micky's head, "Green is my color!"
"Whatever you say," the other Al got up and brushed herself off.
"This is still confusing me," Neko whined to Howie.
"Yeah. Micky, this is confusing me!" BT whined in Micky's ear.
"Nothing I can do about it," Howie and Micky said at the same time.
"Micky, are you aware you have a boofer on your head?" Al asked, carefully avoiding Al, who was still looking green.
"Yes," Micky replied, looking annoyed. Suddenly, BT jumped off his head and turned into a cat for no apparent reason. Well, actually, there was a reason. Al had passed by Neko and commented that she just might be a bigger boofer than BT, and BT wasn't going to let any so-called superhero out-boof her.
"A cat, huh? Well, two can play that game!" Neko exclaimed, coming out from behind Howie and quickly going into cat form. (Neko is a cat person from the planet Felus; she can change between human and cat form whenever she likes.)
"What?" Peter was distracted from his conversation with Mike by the sudden appearance of the two cats, "How come she can turn into a cat? She's not even a figment!"
Everyone ignored Peter's question, as they were too interested about that cat fight that Neko and BT were getting into.
"I'm the biggest boofer that there ever was!" BT was screaming, "So there!"
"I don't even know what a boofer is, I'm just defending myself!" Neko exclaimed. The other members of the SHAV were surprised that Neko was being so brave. Usually she'd be cowering behind Howie in a situation like this.
"Well, stop being such a weirdo!" BT suddenly seemed to be losing the grip she had on her side of the argument.
Neko's cat eyes flashed and she suddenly went into full Felian form (big cat; five foot eight), scaring the *cuckoo* out of BT. Neko grinned as BT bolted away and hid in Mike's hat.
"Yah! Why does everyone always have to pick my hat to hide in?" Mike asked in a "why do these things happen to me" voice.
"Man this is really whacked," Juice said from the corner where she had planted herself and not moved during the whole duration of this messed-up story.
"Even I'm starting to get confused," Sam sighed and put her fingers on her temples.
"There's only one thing to do in a situation like this," Sassip said, waking up, "Pouch time!" With one swift movement of her flipper, she had everyone in her pouch. Then she poofed into Peter's mind.
"What the…" AJ asked as soon as everyone had escaped Sassip, "Birdseed and pistachio nuts?"
"BT! You didn't clean up?" Al demanded, looking around at the waist-deep mess.
"Sorry!" BT said from inside Mike's hat.
"BT, man, get out of there," Davy said, attempting to pluck Mike's hat off his head but failing due to Mike's chronic tallness.
"Gah! I can't take it! Too much birdseed and pistachio nuts and no poundcake!" Jeff screamed in horror.
"OH NO! HORROR!" Sassip exclaimed and immediately started running around. Fortunately, the mind pad had the extra space for that and all that happened was that Mike's hat got knocked off his head.
"I'm free!" BT exclaimed, turning back into herself and running around. Mike sighed and rolled himself off to a chicken fry party to relieve his exasperation and stress at having a cat stuck in his hat for a while.
"You boofer! You could have poofed yourself out," Al rolled her eyes.
"Mommy not superhero Al woman thing," MT said, "I wanna lemmyade pop!"
"No more pops Micky lookalike thing," Al replied, looking exasperated.
"Hey, he does look like that Micky guy, doesn't he?" Al mused.
"Okay, we need a way to distinguish between the two Als," Davy said, "I can never tell when I should take out my twinklies."
"Ooo, Davy wants to twinkle at me!" Al sighed.
"Well, he'd better not twinkle at me!" Al growled, grabbing AJ.
"Why don't we just say that my Al - the superhero - is S-Al, and that the other Al - the chronicles one - is C-Al?" AJ suggested, trying to get the whole thing straight in his head.
"Sounds good to me," S-Al said, sauntering off to do something unbeknownst to anyone else. She came back soon after and complained that she couldn't find any Pepsi (she's a big Pepsi freak). Davy grinned and soon a small waterfall of Pepsi appeared in the air next to S-Al.
"Hey, that's pretty cool!" she exclaimed, leaning over and positioning her open mouth under the Pepsi waterfall.
"I think maybe we'd better be thinking of a way out of this whole mess instead of drinking soda out of the air," Sam pointed out. S-Al looked up and got soda all over her face on account of because the waterfall was still going.
"Gah! Davy, turn this thing off!" she exclaimed, running around with her eyes closed.
Davy laughed and poofed up some poundcake. However, Jeff had waded through all the birdseed and pistachio nuts quite quickly and grabbed the poundcake from Davy before he knew what hit him.
"Time to clean up!" C-Al announced, "I can't keep an eye on MT in all this mess."
The instant that C-Al poofed away the mess, MT came running in from some other part of Peter's mind with an economy sized box of breffast serals.
"TIME FOR BREFFAST SERALS!" he shouted. He ran up to the first person he spotted, which happened to be Jeff, and started force-feeding him the breffast serals at an alarming rate. When he had emptied the box, Jeff sat back and sighed.
"That was great. I can never get enough to eat around headquarters," he said, "Got anymore?"
MT looked at him in a very shocked manner for a second, then ran off, probably to find more breffast serals. C-Al laughed.
"Well, that was a first," she said, "No one's ever liked him doing that."
"Hey C-Al, what's all this?" Nick asked from C-Al's little lab thing. He was looking at the top shelf of potions that C-Al had poofed to almost six feet up the wall to keep BT from fooling with them.
"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" C-Al shrieked. However, she ended up startling Nick, who dropped the potion bottle he was holding. A large puff of orange smoke swirled with red rose out of the broken bottle. When the smoke cleared, Nick was gone.
"No! My Nick! What did you do to him, you crazed figment?" Sam exclaimed, shaking the *cuckoo* out of C-Al.
"Nothing! ACK! Let me go!" C-Al's glasses dropped off her face and smashed on the floor, "Oh foop!"
Sam stopped shaking C-Al, and C-Al had to poof up some new glasses to keep from slamming into things, and to see what potion Nick had dropped.
"Yep, it's the return potion. I should have thought of this as soon as you superhero people showed up!" C-Al immediately started whipping up another batch of the potion while everyone else looked at each other in confusion, except for Neko, who was trying to trick Davy out of his poundcake by returning his twinklies.
Finally, C-Al stopped poofing around the lab and came out with a giant vat of the potion. "This ought to be enough."
"And this shall help us how?" Juice asked, examining the potion curiously.
"All you have to do is drop the vat on the floor, step into the smoke stuff, and you ought to be back from where you came from," C-Al handed the vat to Juice, whose knees promptly gave out. The vat exploded and the potion went everywhere, but somehow a bit of it landed in front of each of the members of the SHAV. So, to make a long story short, they followed C-Al's advice, got back to headquarters, and never let Emma near that gun again. Oh yes, and Neko got some poundcake. The end.