Link And The Stupid Squad

One day BT was running around making a nuisance of herself and tried to assault Link but he defly zapped her with his sword when she came within twenty paces of him.
"Wow, that's good, you should be a superhero," Micky said idly and drank Oreos and ate Coke. Uh... something like that.
"Nah I dun wanna," said Link and kicked at the floor because he thought there was a bug on it but it was a piece of fuzz.

*Later that month*
"Hey man I'm so cool I should be a superhero!!" said Link.
"How stupid," remarked Mike and preened his lovely wings.
"ONLY *I* AM AUTHORIZED TO PREEN!" Sassip said firmly and punted him.
"YOU were not asked," huffed Link.
"And besides... you can't preen, you have no feathers. They all molted," Peter pointed out.
"I don't either," said Sassip.
"Oh, then you should stop preening," said Peter amiably.
"OH, I DON'T THINK SO," said Sassip and towered over him menacingly.
"Um...okay... keep preening, good job lala," Peter said in fear and went away.
"LALA?!" screeched Davy in confusion.
"Don't screech dear," Al said and patted him on the head absently.
"Ewwwwwwww," said BT in extreme distaste until Micky zapped her.
"WHY'D YOU DO THAT?!! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!" she screeched.
"Well that's in case-" Micky started but Peter stood up and tore some of his hair out and yelled "THAT LINE IS SOOOO CLICHE!!!" so everyone was quiet and behaved themselves because Mr. Continuity was nearing the end of his soap-on-a-rope.
"Oooh, soap-on-a-rope," Davy said dreamily.
"Soap on a stick! I can patent it and be rich," said Micky.
"Someone already did," said Mike vaguely, wandering in from wherever he was punted to.
"Priceless treasure," muttered BT but only got zapped again, this time by Micky *and* Mike so she shut up and decided maybe she should adopt the frypan defense but Micky would sue for copyright infringement and Al had already sued her for all she was worth for infringing on her alphabet copyright so she didn't do that.

"You should learn to hold your tongue with a pair of salad tongs!" suggested Al.
"MOMMY MOMMY I PIERCE MY TONGUE?!!" MT shrieked, wandering in.
"NO NO NO!!!!" Al yelled.
"Oh okay, I wenty to the kitching," said MT and headed for the bathroom.
"NO NO NOT MY OREO STASH!!!!" Micky screamed.
"Nooooooooo," MT said with childlike patience. "AL'S Oreo stash."
"I don't have an Oreo stash..." Al said in a perplexed tone.
"NO horror..." Sassip said in fear and shifted from flipper to flipper anxiously.
"How did you know I was going to horror?" said Micky.
"I can tell," Sassip said in fear.
"You were already in fear," Peter snarled.
"Oh, he's being mean," Sassip said in disapproval and dropped him into her pouch and sealed him up.
"Attagirl, you purveyor of fear, you," Davy said complimentarily and patted Sassip.
"Ewwwww," Sassip said and squirmed.
"SQUIRMING SEABEASTIES!!" screeched BT loudly.

"Excuse me, I BELIEVE this plot is about ME?!!!" Link said.
"EXCUSE MEEEE, CAN I *GO* NOW?!!!" MT yelled rudely.
"NO!" shouted Link in anger. "I am restless and bored and want to do some superheroing around this silly little world of yours!"
"Oh he is getting a bit pudgy." said Davy to Micky, who shook his head in agreement.
"QUIET!" roared Link and zapped them in the tushes.
"Hehe I had my frypan there! I made frypan pants to save against tushthreatening things!" said Micky and showed them off flashily.
Davy stared. "That's stupid!" he remarked but yelped when struck by another tush-zap.
"I WANT KOOL-AID!" shouted MT and looked for some in the kitchen but there was none.
"Oh Kool-aid... Make friends with Kool-aid, make Kool-aid with friends.." sand Peter who had managed to get out of the pouch.
"Hey it was MY turn to sing that!" shouted Davy.
"No, *I* sing it!" said Micky. They all began to fight over who got to sing it.
"OH! Make Kool-aid with friends?" said MT and perked up. He turned Davy, Micky and Peter into a large pouch of Kool-aid (With the sugar already in!) and dumped them out into a pitcher, added water and voila! Easy as.. uh.. sugary drink mix!

"Ugh, I'm in Micky's shirt!" said Davy annoyedly.
"Uh, Davy, we're KOOL-AID. We don't *HAVE* shirts." said Peter.
"SHUT UP MR. CONTINUITY!" shouted Micky and clinked some ice against Peter's head, or at least where he thought it might be had they not been dissolved into a fluid.
"Uh.. Mommy my drinkies go talk talk..." said MT in fear and ran off to play with his Tinkertoys.
"Hey, how did he get into Peter's mind pad when Peter is a pitcher of Kool-aid?" asked BT.
"HA! THEY ARE KOOL-AID!" shouted Mike and ROOOOLLLLLLEEEDDD around til his wings got tangled and he couldn't breathe and his sides and tail hurt.
BT giggled and tried to turn them back but they came back as one Monkee instead of three, with a pitcher for a had.
"OMIGOSH! CUTENESS ABOUNDS!" shouted Al and lunged for them.
"I'm not liking this." said Peter.
"Me either!" said Mike.
"YOU are not us!" said Davy.
"Oh man, where did my frypan go!?" shouted Micky, swivelling around.
"Don't DO that!" shouted Davy for he was dizzy.
Al sighed for she was not getting any of the cuteness and they were slapping themself. It was actually quite funny to see a "person" fighting with himself over something.
"*I* want to talk stop talking it is MY turn to use the mouth lalalal" shouted Micky.
"STOP YOU *ARE* TALKING!" shouted Davy and grabbed poundcake.
"NOOO poundcake!" said Peter and with the other hand forced it away.
"Okay, that's just.. SCARY!" said Al and poofed them back to themselves. "NEVER do THAT again, BT!"
"Well I didn't MEAN to!" BT scoffed and huffed off.

"HELLO! *MY* story!" said Link.
"Well what do you want?" asked Mike. "You go off and superhero. Whatever."
"NO I need help. So all you freaks are going to be my sidekicks."
"OH OH INCREDIBLY QUARTET!" shouted BT who came running back in.
"Uh.. no.." said Al and backed away.
"MONKEEEEEMEN!" shouted Davy.
"No no that's stupid you will not gallivant around in those corny costumes." said Link boredly.
"I WILL!" said MT and beaned him on the head.
"Ugh... fine that one can but not the others. Only *ONE* can be a thingyman. Because its just stupid to have FIVE of you!"
"Okay. Then I am THE FLYING WONDER!" said Mike and unfurled his wings for all to see.
"Oh oh I can be Antlerman!" said Micky and jumped up and got his antlers stuck on the lamp.
"Right...." said Link.
"I will to be Mr. Continuity!" said Peter.
"Uh.. what are you gonna fight with?" asked Link.
"Uh uh uh... I dunno..." said Peter.
"You can be Figment Boy." said Link and snickered at Peter's face.
"I want to be Merman!" said Davy.
"No you are MerDavy cute thing!" said Sassip and tried to lick him but he hit her with his tail.
"By the by, Davy is getting used to standing up on his tail and can travel freely on land or sea." said Peter.
"Peter, WHO do you talk to that you need to narrate all the stupid inconsistencies that go on in this pad!?" asked Mike.
"Uh... I dunno the audience?" asked Peter.
Davy, Mike and Micky looked at each other worriedly.
"There is no "audience" I think it consists of a lizard and a moth." said Davy and shook his head.
"Oh well maybe they need to know!" said Peter and huffed off to Micky's mind pad.
"Oooouuww heavy.." said Micky and grinned stupidly for a minute.
"Man that freaks me out when they do that!" said Davy.

"Okay, and what are you freaks?" asked Link to Al, BT, and Sassip.
"I AM SASSIP AND THAT IS ENOUGH!!!" Sassip said stupidly and splayed her flippers out, taking up more room than really was necessary.
"No no you need wings," said Al and poofed some on.
"I AM MICKY GIRL!!!!" said BT loudly.
"No no you are Wonder Midget," said Al and made her so. "I AM SUPER ME!!!" she stated and made herself so.
"I have contacts and can see with perfect accuracy," BT said smugly.
Sassip wheeled around and whacked them out of BT's eyes.
"Oh ick I am blind," BT said and banged into things.
"THAT WAS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT!!!!" announced Mike.
"Well it was now," said Peter, trying to loosen up now that he had momentarily shed his duties as Mr. Continuity.
"I have ice cream," remarked Micky in a bored tone.
"Oh, that's nothing, I have pie," said Davy smugly.
"I already was smugly," BT smirked.
"So you are... Super You, Wonder Midget, and ... Sassip?" Link said in fear.
"Super ME," Al corrected.
"Yeh, but... uh, okay," Link said and was confused.
"I AM MONKEE MAN AND YOU NEGLECTED TO SENTIENT MY NAME!!!" MT yelled.
"Mention, cookiejarschnookums," Al corrected him.
"Nooo, the POUNDCAKE in the frijjyator is mentioned. Link hat sword zappy thing did not sentient my name," MT pouted.
"Uhhh okay whatever," Al said in a noncomprehensive tone.
"But don't you remember, it was that time I was under the couch and said a thing and MT said-" Micky started but Davy smeared pie in his face so he was shut up in that manner way.
"Davy smears pie," BT announced.
"I HAVE WINNGGSGSSSSS," Mike said happily.

"OK, so I am Link. You all are my ... uh... team of incompet... Ahh, integral sidekicks," Link said.
"I'm Wonder Midget!" said BT.
"I'm Figment Boy!" said Peter.
"I'm Antlerman!" said Micky.
"I'm MerDavy cute thing!" said Davy.
"I'm Monkee Man!" said MT.
"I'm Super Me!" said Al.
"I'm the FLYING WONDER!" said Mike.
"That was for those of you who got confused in all the chaos of the last paragraph," said the couch.
"OHHHH OHH OH OH IT IS MENTIONNNEEEDD," MT shrieked.
"No that was me I threw my voice," said Micky.
"YOU DID NOT!!!" shouted the couch.
"Oh okay," said Micky and stared at it.
"It was me," said Peter.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!! Anyway," said Link and thought.

"So what do we do now that we are our super selves?" said BT.
Sassip was aslee and drooling.
"Oh, that's why she didn't join in the roll call," said Peter.
Link sighed and took off his wonderfully jaunty-angled hat and ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
"OH HE'S CUTE!!!" said BT. "Isn't he cute Al?"
"I reckon it was a chicken bean," said Al stupidly.
"My line," said BT and took it back.
"And a dumb line it is too," said Micky smugly but he got zapped in the frypantush and it electrocuted him so he shut up.
"You should get a lightning rod," said Davy.
"HUH?!!" said Micky and ran around a lot.
"Oh he is MEEEEEEEEEEE," said MT and ran around a lot until he collided with Micky and they went sleeing.
"Please to be waking up," said Mike and kicked them.
"MYYYY FORM OF SPEECHINGS!! PLEASE TO BE NOT INFRINGING UPON THE COPYRIGHT WHICH RIGHTFULLY IS MINE MINE MINE!!" Micky said sternly and stepped on Mike's foot.
"Ow," said Mike and winced. Micky looked disappointed at having not gotten a bigger reaction and sssssssslinked off to get... something.
"Time for my fuzzy yellow friend," MT said and poofed up the chick from the last story.
"OH OH A SNACK!!! Bite size!" Mike announced and tried to fry the chick but MT protested loudly and screechily so Mike stuck cotton in his ears and stood far away.

"UGH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??!!" Link yelled. "I miss Zeldaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," he whimpered and got down on the floor and curled up in the fetal position and started whimpering a lot.
"Oh dear..." clucked Al.
MT was running around trying to keep his chicky friend away from Mike.
"And then we can get married and and and.." the chick was going on and on whilst cracking her gum.
"How can a chicken crack gum?" asked Mike and stopped short. "I don't find gum cracking comestibles tasty at ALL!"
MT giggled as Mike stalked off. The chick was still rambling on endlessly. Such was the way with MT-created mind-birds.
"Put that filthy yellow thing away!" said Micky angrily that MT kept bringing up his past beau.
"She was NOT!" shouted BT and kicked him.
"OOOWWWW she was! I loved her so until I realized MT had messed her up and then when she was a chicken huh.." said Micky and scowled.
"Oh you didn't love her you love MEEE!" shouted BT and hugged him.
"OH NO NO NOT A BOY NO NO NO!" shouted Micky and bounced her off with his shield and an extra zap for good measure.
"OH OH OH HE EXTRA MEASURE ME ZAPPED!" shrieked BT and stalked off in a disoriented fashion, but as she had no contacts she banged into Al and fell over and rolled into Sassip's pouch all with one deft move.
"Wow that was amazing!" said Davy and stared so hard he lost his balance.
"Oooh there are warm squigglies in my pouch!" announced Sassip and expelled a certain disgruntled, blind, pouchmite and pouchcat ridden BT.
"GET THEM OFF!" she shrieked. The pouch cats at the pouchmites and Al gave BT her glasses.
"OH!" said BT and was horror because she forgot what Al looked like. Al made a face and poured hot soup on her.
"NOO THAT WAS MY ROOTBEER SOUP!" shouted Peter.

"OKAY. NOW is the time to go!" shouted Link and ran out the door. He had had enough of this stupid antic stuff.
"Antler stuff? Did someone call me?" Micky said eagerly.
"Oh my those antlers have gone to his brains wingy wingy." said Mike.
"Yeh well those WINGS have gone to YOUR brain, get in line no shoving singlefile stop chewing that gum!" shouted Peter.
"Well that Mr. Continuity stuff has gone to PETER'S brain!" whined Davy and grabbed a few dozen loaves of poundcake as he was jostled out the door.
"Yeh well your tail went to your cuteness," huffed BT.
"Oh did it?" said Davy vainly and poofed up a full-length mirror.
"No, it went to his head," said Micky.
"HEY YOU LEFT!!!" yelled Peter.
"No I didn't...." said Micky.
"Oh," said Peter.

"OH MAN I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT SOME RAVIOLIOS!!!" yelled Mike and had a fit.
"It'll cost you..." said BT and counted on her fingers. "One bowl of Raviolios equals one package of Peeps. That's your price," she said business-like.
"Okay!" said Mike eagerly ("I was eagerly already," said Micky but Peter yelled at him a lot) and furnished her with Peeps. Likewise BT furnished him with raviolios.
"OH I WILL GIVE YOU PEEPS I WANT SOME I WANT SOME!" yelled Micky.
"No no the price for you is not Peeps," said BT.
"WHAT IS IT?!" yelled Micky who knew better than to ask.
"No, if he knew better he wouldn't have asked it," corrected Mike and munched contentedly.
"You have to acknowledge that I am a girl," said BT.
"Ew, I will go have some Oreos," said Micky and did.
"I wenty to the things Mommy Mommy I wenty to themmmm," said MT.

"What is the price for me?" said Davy.
"The same as Micky's," said BT.
"BUT YOU DON'T LIKE ME!" Davy said in confusion.
"That is not having to do with things," said BT.
"But... but... but... Mike got them for just Peeps!!!"
"Oh well he gets a discount," said BT offhandedly.
"WHY?!" demanded Davy and Micky and Peter and everyone.
"Because he's got wings," BT beamed.
"I can have wings," said Peter and poofed some on.
"But you are not Mike," BT pointed out.
"Yeah but..." started Peter but decided he knew better to get into an argument with BT, who with no warning zapped Micky in the frypantush again and he zapped her back and they started a zap war and every time they missed and zapped someone else they got in the war and the whole Pad was in a zap war which was BT's fault because she's a boofer.
Then Sassip put them all in her pouch and sat on them for a week.

*The next week...*
"Time to expell my warm yummy squigglies," Sassip said in a pleased tone and expelled the contents of her pouch all over the walls.
"Uggghhhhh..." said Micky and was stuck to the ceiling.
"SHADDAP, SPACKLING BOY!!!!" yelled Al.
"There is plaster on your antlers," said BT.
"I KNOW THAT!!!" yelled Micky and kicked futilely until Mike snigged at him and flew around until his wing got stuck in a lamp.
"Ha ha," said Peter and rolled off.
"Figmentness has gone to his head," said Davy in a pronounced tone.

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DOOOO WITH YOU PEOPLE YOU ARE THE WORST SIDEKICKS I EVER HEARD OF AND I WANNA BE A SUPERHERO NOW AND I DUNNO HOWWWWW!!!" screamed Link.
"Huh?" said Al and picked Micky's nose.
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?" shouted Micky and boofed her off the ceiling.
"OMIGOSH I DUNNO!" shouted Al and burned her finger.
"Why did you THAT?!" asked Mike but Al was wandering around with a vacant look of horror, clutching her finger that had a burn bandage on it and muttering in a horrified voice "Micky boooogers Micky boooogers..."
"NOOOO HOORRRROOOORRR!" shouted Sassip and punted her.
Al came back to her sense and never shoved her fingers into yicky places again. The end.

"NO NO NO it is *NOT* the end!" shouted Link.
"Geesh what's with HIM?" asked Peter.
"YOU are Mr. Continuity you should know!" shouted Micky and fell off the ceiling. Mike joined him.
"Look, all I want to do is some SUPERHEROING! And you're all off zapping and picking noses and eating.... those.. THINGS and and and.. and.. UGH!" shouted Link.
Everyone stood around and looked bashful.
"Soooowwwyyy.." they all said sheepishly except MT who was all grins and giggles.
"MOMMY CAN I PICK THINGS!?' he asked loudly.
Al was horror.
"NO NO NO NO NO you aren't allowed near Micky!" she said. "Or any noses at ALL!"
"Huh?" asked MT. "I wanted to pick you some.. some.. feeeyyylooowwerrrsss..."
"OH!" said Al in relief.
"Why did you say no nosies?" asked MT.
"Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh no reason none at all but stayawayfromthemanywayMTgobyebyesbutnotlongwegoofftosuperherosoonbyebabylalal!" said Al and pushed him out the front door.
"OH good now all of you into costume and *OUT*!!" said Link and glowered.

Five minutes later everyone assembled outside and stood in a single file line. Link inspected them all.
"WHY are you wearing your glasses?" he asked Al and BT.
"Well I need them to see!" said Al tetchily.
"Well Well SASSIP broke my contacts!" shouted BT and tried to kill Sassip but Link would have none of that.
"Don't worry muffin sweety pie I'll get you some new ones." said Al stupidly.
"UGH I AM *NOT* MT!" shouted BT and picked flowers.
"Suuurrrreee you're not." said Al and patted her on the head.
"Maybe she's a dog." said MT who saw Al patting her on the head.
"WHAT THE HECK!?" shouted BT who was mad now.
"But no. She is not a dog. She is just a boofer." said Mike.
"Oh." said MT and took his place in line, but not before shoving a flower up Al's nose.
"WHAT did I tell you about noses!?" asked Al and sneezed it out.
Link glowered at them all and they all shut up.

"Okay.. I heard on that talking box thing that there has just been a robbery and we will help them get back their rupees!" said Link.
"Rupees?" asked everyone.
"Uh.. currency!" shouted Link. He composed himself. "We are going to do this RIGHT. So, me and Mike will go over to the bank and see if we can't find them lurking around the bank. Mike is going to fly me."
"HEY I AM *NOT* TRANSPORTATION! *SHE* IS!" siad Mike, but he knew better then to thumb at Sassip, for she made a giant drool pool on his head.
"ANYWAY, Mike is going to fly me over to the bank. Super Me and Monkeeman and Wonder Midget will ride Sassip and go in the opposite direction from the bank. MerDavy, Antlerman, and Figment Boy will go on foot at three key places a few blocks away from the bank in case they get away. Now they are still robbing the place and there are alot of cops about so we'll try and get in through the roof, all of us that are flying in." said Link. Everyone agreed and they all flew, walked and uh.. slithered? off.
"Hey I sorta.. hop-shuffle!" said Davy annoyedly.
"Right." said the author and continued with the story.
"Why do you add yourselves in the story when you are not needed?" asked Peter.
The author was about to send Mike off for some raw fish but since Link was being carried by Mike, Link zapped the author and she shut up.

So they all wenty to the bank for monies and ..

"MT, stop writing dear. It's not your place." said Al.
"SORRY MOMMY!" shouted MT.

ANYWAY, they all ended up at the bank in their respective places. Link and Mike and Sassip and Al and BT and MT landed on the roof while Micky, Peter and Davy were roaming around a few blocks away.
"Okay, Sassip, you won't fit, so you wait up here and if you see the robbers, punt them! They'll be in weird garb with like.. masks or something on." said Link.
"Okay sword boy." said Sassip tired and drooled alot.
Link shook his head and they all went down through a service hatch to the bottom of the bank.
"Hey, that's a really shoddy thing to have, an open service hatch in a bank!' said Peter.
"Shut up, we have to have SOME way to get in!" said Link. Peter shrugged and went back to roaming.
So anyway, they went down and saw the robbers just going out the door.
"OH NO! More freaks!" shouted the bank manager.
"Uh.." said Link but the cops ran in and grabbed them.
"Great plan, hat boy!" BT spat.
"Hey, MIKE is hatboy!" said Peter.
"SHUT UP PETER!" everyone said but Micky, because Peter was his figment and he looo-ooved him.
"HEY how come you don't love ME?" said BT angrily.
"You are not my figment and you were not asked." said Micky.

Anyway, Link, BT, Al and MT ended up in jail.
"Mommy when are they going to fill it with water? We'll go drowndy drowndy drown lalala." said MT.
"No, MT, this is a Jail, not a Pail.
"OHHH!" said MT, his eyes wide with wonder.
"NO NO I AM THE FLYING WONDER!" said Mike and flapped his wings for emphasis.
"BUT I AM WONDER MIDGET!" countered BT.
Then Mike & BT & MT argued about who was wonder a lot until Al was disgusted and poofed everyone out except them and they stayed for days until they realized they could get out of jail and BT poofed them out and Link was in a coma for a week.

THE END

Next Issue: Mike is dumb enough to pull the dumb stunt of biting BT's antennae off, and he gets really stupid while BT gets really smart.

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