Al sighed. "I feel so lonely, being the only girl in the Al & BT Chronicles," she mused. "Nobody else to swoon over Davy or Linkypoos with... Wait I didn't say that."
"OH OH OH !!!!!! YOU FORGOT *MEEEE* AGAIN!!! DIDN'T I TELL YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU FORGOT AGAIN?!" Sassip bellowed, thundering in and towering over Al menacingly.
"Omigosh she bellowed," said BT and crawled into the kitchen cabinet, only to find Micky.
"What are YOU doing here?" she said obnoxiously, shoving him out.
"Hiding from YOU," said Micky and left to go play golf-man with Peter. We dun wanna know about that.
"DIDN'T III?!" screeched Sassip impatiently.
"No," said Al matter-of-factly.
"Oh," said a somewhat-deflated Sassip, and sssssssssssslinked off to get a PEDICURE. Oh yeah.
"Did anyone notice something strange about that last bit?" said Peter, poking his head into the kitchen.
"Yes," said everyone.
"Oh, it's not just me," said Peter in relief.
"Who won?" asked Al.
"Huh?" said BT.
"Oh, Peter won," said Micky, shooting him a dirty look. Al plucked the look from midair, cleansed it with Tide, and gave it back to Micky, who stuffed it in his pocket and never gave it another thought.
"Anyway. I AM NOT A BOY, AL!!" BT squeed with rage, and beat her about ... well, everything.
"Ow," Al said dimly. "Yes you are."
"I'M NOT!!! I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT!" BT cried frantically, and ran around in circles. "Lookit my hair! Most GIRLS don't have hair this long!!"
"Yep, I guess them styles is gettin preety long for them boys nowadays I reckon," Al said stupidly.
"UGH UGH!!! I WILL *PROVE* I'M NOT A BOY!" BT whinged.
"How?" said Sassip.
"Sassip's not here," Peter informed the author.
"How?" said Peter.
"Much better," said Al.
"I'll... I'll... I'll... I dunno," said BT, and thought.
"OMIGOSH, SHE *THOUGHT*!" cried Sassip, bounding in, stuffing Peter in her pouch, and bounding out.
"I KNOW!" cried BT, and jumped up. Before anyone had time to react, she threw herself at Micky and smacked him a good one.
"HA!!! SEE I'M NOT A BOY!!" BT screeched.
"Ewwwwwww!!!!! OMIGOSH such TRAVESTY has been committed!!! I'm afraid we have to write you out of the stories now," Al clucked disapprovingly. Micky was in shock.
"HEY SASSIP!!" Al said. She whistled.
"Hey, what gives?" she thought aloud. "Sassip is supposed to come when I call..."
"No, she's not," said BT, stepping over Micky daintily.
"Since when are you DAINTILY," said Mike, rolling in.
"And where have YOU been, mister?" said Al impatiently.
"I was at a chi... I was in Chicago," Mike said swiftly.
"Suuuuure," said Al, glowering at him.
"Oh, he glows!" said MT, toddling in.
"She. I'm a girl," said Al.
"Oh, that's right Mommy!" MT beamed happily.
"Oh yeh, HER they believe," BT sulked.
"Oh, Micky fall down go BOOM?" MT asked, and sat on Micky.
"Noo, you can't do that," said BT in disgust and moved him.
"You'll tarnish him," BT sniffed.
"Oh," said MT, and thought. "OH! I can fix him all better!" said MT and proceeded to feed him breffast serals.
Al carted him off for chiding and reprimands, leaving BT to face the music.
"But Mike is here," BT protested.
"She forgot," Mike said.
"I think Micky is going to kill you now," Mike said calmly.
"Stop saying OH! Eberyone keeps saying OH in these stupid stories I can't TAKE it anymore!" Link growled, stalking into the room, shoving the seething Micky out of the way, and stealing his Coke from the fridge.
"OH MAN I CANNOT *STAND* YOU ANYMORE THAT IS ABSOLUTELY THE LAST STRAW I HATE YOU HATE YOU *HATE* YOU, I LOATHE DESPISE ABOMINATE AND AM DISGUSTED BY YOU, AND I'M... I'M... I'M PUTTING YOU UP FOR ADOPTION!!!!" Micky yelled, and took a picture cause it lasts longer.
"Where'd he get the camera?" said Link with interest.
"Oh, Micky! I knew you cared," said BT, and ran away.
"NO!" snapped Micky, and snagged her by the hair.
"Hold this for me," he commanded Link, and dropped the rabid BT on top of him. He proceeded to pull adoption papers out of his back pocket and fill them out, give them to Mike who rolled off, and rolled back with a milk carton.
"Look BT it's your face," said Mike.
"WHAT?! WHY IS MY FACE ON THAT?! I *NEED* MY FACE, I USE IT FOR THINGS!" BT pouted, kicking at Link - but all was futile, cause he was holding her at arm's length.
"Your arm, not mine, shotgun," Mike smirked.
"Why did you say that?!" demanded Micky.
"I dunno," said Mike and rolled off.
BT walked up to the milk carton and read it.
"MICKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!" she shrieked. "YOU LISTED MY GENDER AS *MALE*!!!!!"
Micky snigged and waltzed off. Or maybe he did the two-step. No one knows, and oddly enough, noooobody cares.
"But you *ARE* a boy stupid!" said Mike and threw cowpies at her.
"EWWWWWW!" said Link and ran off.
"MIKE! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" shouted BT. But the cowpies were pretty tasty really. They had yummy carrots and ground beef and.. hey why is everyone? Oh sorry, he threw SHEPHERDS PIE at her.
Anyway, he hated cow...er.. shepherds pie because it was nasty beef. Chicken was where it was at! The stuff dreams were ..always eating.
So like I was saying, they all dined on c... I mean shepherd pies for dinner and after dinner a guy came to the door.
"Hey, we're here to adopt the little boy thing. Is he here?" he said.
"HUH?!" said BT and made as if to run out down to the beach but Mike grabbed her firmly by the collar.
"Yeh, this is she." said Micky and shoved her forward.
"Nooo I'm a GIRL not a BOY!" she squirmed and whined.
"Oh, wow, this is a really fine looking boy. We shall put him to work in the steel mills." said the guy and hauled her off.
BT made grotesque faces at Mike and Micky and vowed to not let their lives continue.
Anyway, the pad was very quiet and everyone got lots of shuteye cause there were no boy-girl foopers to be loud and obtrusive and trip on people and drip water in their minds when they went to get drinks every hour on the hour and eat spaghettios at 5 AM and then go to sleep til 7 and then eat breakfast and then go back to sleep til noon and wake up and throw shoes at people's heads and then make a cow pie.. I mean shepherd's pie and force feed it down MT's throat after he forcefed her breffast serals. Yes yes, there was no more of that.
Micky was so happy he died in his sleep the next night.
No.. wait that didn't happen. But they thought he did cause he fell off the bed and rolled out to sea.
So anyway, (Peter got mad because the author always says anyway this and anyway that but the author ignores Peter because he is not asked), Al woke up one morning to find BT smeared against the window with a most deranged look on her face. Al was so frightened she soiled her pants.. with the soda she was carrying.
"MIIIKKKKKEEEE MIIICCKKKYYY!" she shouted and ran in circles til she became dizzified and fell over for dead.
Davy kicked at her til she bit his leg and it took him 7 hours to shake her off.
Mike and Micky stared at the problem on hand.
"Okay, so she's back. I dunno what to do." said Micky who couldn't think because he'd lent his brain out to a travelling saleman in exchange for an encyclopedia of unparalleled size and color. The inside was hollow, consequentially, but Micky had a 7th rate brain anyway, so the salesman got what he paid for.
Meanwhile, he had tried to haggle for Al and Mike's brains in the bargain, but Al wasn't selling until her brain matured enough to get full interest, and Mike's hat would have none of that separation thing. "Hey, would you get to the STORY please?" asked Peter, even though *HE* was not asked.
"Soooooooooo...... aren't you going to let me IN!?" asked BT tetchily.
"Hey, she's not blinking. Do you think that means anything?" asked Micky.
"Nah." said Mike. BT kept her eyes riveted to them and refused to blink or look away.
Meanwhile, Davy, who was thoroughly freaked at her appearance, went outside and washed her off into a bucket. He brought her in without telling anyone and went to take a nap. He knew nothing of Micky and Mike's antics the previous night. (We think he lent his brain out cause he was there but for some reason didn't notice we dunno why).
So anyway, that night, BT poofed herself back into herself and got several tools. She borrowed MT's tinkertoys and built a large thing, that was obtrusive and pointy. Then she accrued a billow and three jars of grape jelly, and melted 5 boxes of MT's pops down. Then she tiptoed in a comical fashion up the stairs to the room where Mike and Micky were sleeping unaware.
"Oh ho...." she chuckled to herself and went to work. Satisfied, around dawn, she poofed into her room in Peter's mind pad and took a nice long sleep.
"YAAAAARGH!" shouted Mike and Micky when they woke to find themselves completely wrapped in a funky spiderweb made out of grape jelly and lemonade pops (melted).
"WHo.. what.. ACK BEEETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" they shouted and tried to get up to pummel her but couldn't move. Their shrieking awoke everyone and they ran in to see what the commotion was about.
"HEHEHEHEHEHEHE," said BT and danced around stupidly.
"Oh she's back! BAD BOY!" shouted Micky.
"NOOOO!" shouted BT and leaped on him, but got stuck on her own webbing. "Oh well, I like being stuck to Micky, even though he's a stupid brainless moron who thinks I'm a boy."
"Ewww." said Al and went back to bed because she needed her 72 hours of sleep a day.
"Mommmmmmyyy!" said MT, and caught her halfway back to her room, giving her a liberal helping of breffast serals.
Sassip came upstairs and ate all the webbing, BT and part of Micky's and Mike's shirts and went down to have a nice sleep until BT gave her horrid indigestion and she laid BT in a big egg.
BT came out as a green sea monster almost the same shade as Sassip and Sassip was so happy that she had a beayooootiful little kid that was a spittin' image of her, that she made BT stand up straight, flippers out, tail poised, and practice seamonster etiquette. BT was miserable.
"Oh..... what a nice sleep." said Al 3 days later.
"MOMMY MOMMY Sassipkid is eating my HAAIIRRR," shrieked MT.
Al rubbed her eyes and looked about the pad. Davy was hanging upside down from a lamp, viciously scoffing poundcake and chickenfry. Mike was trying to get the chicken fry from him. There was a little Sassip eating MT's hair, and a bigger Sassip eating Mike's hat and a Pink Thing eating Sassip's tail, and Peter who was sitting in the corner reading the box of cornflakes like he did every afternoon as if nothing odd was occuring at all. Al shrugged and decided she needed more sleep, so she went off back to bed, but Micky flew at her and begged her to turn things back to normal.
"That boy thing figment fooper of you has messed things up! Now Sassip reigns with an iron headspike!" he said. But Al was already asleep, so Micky took matters into his own hands, and stole Al's powers and turned everyone into chickens. But then Mike became the chicken ringleader and overthrew him. And then he turned them all back to normal and kicked Micky in the tush until his foot hurt because Micky still had the frying pan and then they all decided to give up on everything and go back to normal.
So everything was, except they STILL think BT is a boy and right now she's a boy Sassip looking-like seamonster and all is well except Sassip won't let BT out of her sight and BT pines for celery. The end.
Next Issue: BT bakes Al in a pie and takes to mass marketing Raviolios. Nobody knows what they are but they are pretty good! She also takes care of her Boy Sassip problem but everyeon still thinks she's a boy in general and other things happen lala