It all started out normally. You know. The "One day everyone was...". Well, this day, everyone was sitting around and Mike sat up brightly.
"Hey guys! I have a joke! What do you get when you cross a bottle of Coke and 4 chickens?"
Everyone groaned. "We dunno, Mike, stop with the chicken references..."
"Well don't you want to know!?" Mike asked with much enthusiasm.
"Yeh sure, I do!" said Al and Micky.
"You get carbonated clucks! GET IT!? MWAHAHAH!" said Mike and rolled off to a chicken fry party right then and there.
"He left me!" sniffed Davy, looking after him.
"I love you Davy!" said Al stupidly. Davy looked disgusted and rolled away to hide in the pantry.
Al looked at Micky funnily cause he was sniggeringin all over the place.
Suddenly Micky fell over and when he got up again his hair was all fooped up.
"BEEEEETEEE!" he shouted and scared the living daylights out of her.
"WAIT!" shouted Sassip. "Where's Mike Hat Thing?"
Mike rolled in as if on cue. "Yo!?"
"I HAVE A SONG! EVERYONE LISTEN!" she shouted, punted them all into a big heap so they couldn't get away, and proceeded to sing.
My name is Sassip, and I punt all day long
Except for today when I made up this song
I drool when I sleep and I shriek at the mention
of "horror". I hate it! What a stupid invention!
Cute Davy is yummy, Mike Hat Thing is fun
BT is a Boofer, a punt she needs, that one.
Micky is loud and Peter is boring
Stupid MT laughs while I'm snoring
Al is so evil she just gives me lip
Why is that wrong? Why I am SASSIP!
MEMEME MEMEME MEMEME MEEEEE
I am so perfect, oh don't you agree?
I'm big and I'm green and I'm cuter than cute
If someone could hate me I won't give a hoot
Pouch Time is funner than anything yet
Its the most fun that anyone living can get
I can live on land but don't need icky legs
If I want I can play in the ocean instead
My flippers are perfect for punting alone
My purpose is divine, and written in stone
MEMEME MEMEME MEMEME MEEEEE
I'm the most perfect thing on land air or sea!"
Everyone groaned and tried to get untangled. A loud sigh of relief was heard when Sassip had finished. She wasn't a very good singer, she tended to shout things *loudly* and emphatically at times.
"So?" she asked, wringing her flippers nervously. Everyone grinned fakely.
"Oh yeh Sassip you should be on TV and records." said Mike dryly.
"Can I be in the band then?" she asked happily.
"NOOO!" shouted Micky who was trying to get at BT but Al was in the way.
"Why not?" asked Sassip.
"Because BT hates me and I dunno why." said Micky and grabbed her sleeve.
"EEEEPP!" shouted BT and hurt Micky's ears so he let go.
Suddenly BT thought it would be better if Micky was little and MT wasn't, so she could finish grilling MT on why he thought Micky hated her. She though he *HAD* to know because they looked the same. Mmm.
Al was suddenly overwhelmed by Micky.
"ALLLLL!" he shouted.
"Ugh... said Al and got bashed in the head with Mike's foot.
"YOU NEVER ANSWERED MEEE!" shouted Sassip.
Micky snickered and put the hat with the thing on Davy. "You wook coot!" he said.
"NOOO!" said Davy and promptly turned into a girl.
Sassip stopped for a second. "Okay, didn't we do these lame-o plots before? Lemme see, Al is apparently a kid, as is Micky, and MT is a 17 year old 21 year old, and Davy is a girl and.. Oh, Al, make Mike a chicken just for old time sake!" said Sassip. "And BT a cat while your at it!"
"NOOOOOO!" shouted BT and Mike but it was too late cause Al was kiddie and thought it was giggly fun. Sassip laughed alot but then she was little.
"NO NO NO YOU STUPID KID!" she shouted and tried to run over Al but only bruised her leg. "OOOWWWW MIKE CHICKEN!" screeched Al and hugged his feathery self.
"Aaaagghh, DON'T DO THAT!" Mike protested loudly, & began to preen. BT stared.
"Mike, you're PREENING," she said, washing her face cutely.
Mike looked alarmed & stopped immediately. "Well you're doing that dumb cat thing cats do," he said sullenly.
"I know, but I'm cute," BT said smugly & banged her head into MT's leg.
"EWWW you'll get CAT hair on me!!!!" he said in a distressed tone.
"Micky thingy why hair is foopy?" Al said tugging on Micky's sleeve.
"OH HI AAALLLLLL!!" Micky said beaming happily. "You wanna pway wif Tinkewtoys??"
"OOHHH, yeeeaaahhh!!" Al said & skipped off to Peter's mind, Micky in tow.
MT stared. "MOMMY GONE WHONKY NUTS???" he said in a big loud foopy growned-up voice.
"Oh my MT don't do that, it's scary," said Sassip & bruised his shin something awful to add to the miniscule amount of cat hair.
"Hey," BT said suddenly, crawling into Peter's lap. "You're still normal!!"
"The authors forgot me," Peter said sadly.
"Awwww, poor thingy...well, we could...what do you wanna be?" said BT.
Peter suddenly looked perfectly happy. "Oh no never mind, I like just being nice and normal and unaffected and I uh I'm please don't no BT stop LOOKING at me like a CAT you're SCARING meeee, eegh!"
"Turn him into a turtle," Mike said randomly.
"Oh, fun," said BT & did so, but she was still sitting on him, & got off real fast 'cause he was a snapping turtle.
Peter sighed & crawled off under the couch to sleep as he was suddenly quite tired.
"So...Mom Al thing flipped her lid?" said MT again, as nobody had answered him last time.
"Yeh, she thinks she's a kid, you know how she does that," said Davy girl thing miserably.
"Oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," said MT, & twinkled at Davy.
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO. No former son of mine is getting involved with one of those rowdy English girls," said BT & climbed upon MT's shoulder.
"What the HECK?!" said Mike & then was suddenly torn, as he wanted DESPERATELY to roll off to a chicken fry party, but was in fear of his life if he did so. Anyway.
"So I can do anything I want and she will not care, tra la!" said MT & tra-la-laed around as he was quite lightheaded & twinkly. Davy hid under the couch with Peter turtle, who was sleeping heavily & didn't look very happy.
"HEY BEETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" screeched Micky tralalaing in, dragging Al behind him. "Do you mind if we use half of your room & tear a wall down like and then use half your room that you already have for well I can't explain it, la la, AL you tell her cause I am confusled!" he said cutely. His hair was fixed so it was nice & straight now.
"Oh, well Beeteeeeeeeeeee," Al started.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" screeched BT & sat quizzically on the floor, looking up at Al. "Micky is moving in Pita's mind!! And we are short on space as Peter's mind is only so large and the menagerie is big & it is just big & so we wanted to tear down maybe your playroom & half of your room to make SPACE!!" she said in a goofy kid voice.
"NNOOOOOOOO," said BT.
"Pweeeeeeeeeease?" said Micky with big innocent annoying kiddie eyes.
"Um well maybe," said BT & averted her eyes so as to avoid the cute staring. She went & banged her head into Davy's leg.
"DON'T come any closer...I've...I've..." Davy picked BT up & wielded her at MT. "I've got a CAT!" he said, poking MT with her.
"STOP THAT!" shrieked BT.
"OH MY GOSH, I'M A *CANNIBAL*!" screamed Mike & fell over on his side.
Sassip was running around singing the song she made up & bruising people right & left. MT grabbed her & thrust her at Davy.
"I've got a SEA BEAST!" he said.
"'Ey, I should use 'er," Davy complained.
"Oh alright we can trade," said MT. "Wait, I do not want to fight, you for I LOOOOVE you!!!" he suddenly remembered & swooned on Davy's feet.
"EGADS, THAT'S DISTURBING!!" Davy yelped cutely & jumped away.
"Put me down or the sea beast gets it," BT growled.
"Oh okay," said Davy & threw her at Mike.
"OOF!" said Mike.
"So Beeteeeeeeeeee..." Al said.
"Oh, well, no Micky really can't live in the mind thing because.... well.... OH MAN THERE HAS TO BE A WAY!!" BT said giggling her head off. "He could share my room..." she started. "NO!" shouted everyone except Micky and Al who said, "Um I don't think so because your room is full of THINGS."
"How is it you both said that at once?" said MT, plainly confused.
"MM dunno," said Micky.
"I can poof things away, REEEEALLY ehehehe I could make LOTS of room I could I could I mean..." BT started rambling about the virtues of her, and her room, and how her room was SO cool, and how it had SO much neat stuff with cool things, and just said dumb crap in very Sassip-ish manner.
"Hey, I resemble that remark," said Sassip & sat on BT cat, because she could. BT did not notice and continued rambling.
"BT, you know Peter's mind can't support another person, he'll go whonky nuts," said Davy, fiddling with his skirt.
"Why do you suddenly have a skirt?" said Mike.
"I don't KNOW!" Davy wailed & went to change.
Al giggled. "He's coot!"
Micky punched her lightly.
"Waaahh?" asked Al inquisitively.
"Ewww you have Davy cooties!" he remarked and rolled away to the mind pad.
"Hey! Micky thingy you can live in my room if we put up a wall!" said Al and rolled off too. They started moving things.
BT sulked. Davy came back. "'Ey, what's up with this turtle thing?" he asked.
"That's Peter." said Sassip evilly.
"Why is he all sick and sleepy?"
"Cause I dunno want a punt?"
"Where's Mommy? I want some..." asked MT, but he was cut off.
"*MOMMY*?! BWAHAHA," said BT and laughed outright at him.
"Um....... MOM. MOTHER. Stupid cat," said MT and kicked her away.
"What do you want, MT?" asked Davy distractedly trying to get Sassip off his shoe.
"I want lemonade pops. I have a hot date and we LOURVE them pops!"
"Ugh he sounds like a friggen 10 year old! I thought you were sposed to be 21!" said Sassip.
"I am 21! But you'd be messed up if you were 21 one day, 5 the next, and 21 again." said MT.
"Oh. Well, put Peter on the couch." said Davy because Sassip had drooled on his shoe and it was sticky disgusting.
Micky and Al returned later all giggles. Mike was laying on the couch with Peter on the back, and Al jumped on him.
"FEATHER BED!" she shrieked and sunk into his feathers. Mike looked freaked and laid perfectly still.
"Miiikkkeee chiiicken!" said Micky and started pulling feathers out.
"MIIICCKKYYY!" shrieked Mike, trying to get up, but Al had fallen asleep on him and was holding on tightly to his plumage.
Micky looked alarmed and tried to climb on too but he was way too big and kept falling off. "Ugh.." said Mike, staggered to his claws, and walked around for a while with Al still firmly attached. Eventually his feathers gave way and she fell off.
"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" shouted Mike and fluttered up to the balcony in agony.
"Huh?" said Al sleepily, rubbing her eyes with fists full of feathers.
"Why, why did the chicken drink sodie?" asked Micky.
"I dunno. Why?"
"Beeeecause he was cluck sodie carbonator," said Micky and they both giggled and went to take a nap in Al's room.
"HEY! I HEARD YOU MESS UP MY JOKE!" Mike was heard to yell from the bathroom where he was bandaging up his feathers.
BT by this time had quit rambling & was watching the chickenly MickyAl events unfold before her very eyes.
"What a strange, strange line," she muttered. "Oh, anyway...it wasn't that great a joke to begin with," she said, banging her head into Micky's leg in an irksome manner.
"Um, BT, that's MT," yelled Mike.
"HOW DID YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T SEE???!!!" said Davy in a horribly perplexed tone.
"BT give me pops," said MT, kicking her lightly.
"Okay, I will give you pops if you tell me why Micky hates me," said BT & sat. Cats sit. You know.
MT thought for a minute. "I dunno, man, GIMME POPPPPPS," he screeched.
"Why don't you know?? You are a clone of him, you should at least have a guess!"
"Well he doesn't hate you right now he's a happy lil kid stupid idiot moron thing and is playing with Al, I am in POP DENIAL," said MT opening the fridge & slamming cabinet doors in the kitchen frantically.
Then the doorbell rang. "Ooh, it must be my hot date," said MT & opened it.
"That was REALLY STUPID," said Davy loudly. Sassip bruised him.
"Hi, hot date!" he said.
"Hi, loser guy!" said the hot date & they both left.
"THANK HEAVENS," said Mike loudly.
"Boy he's an ellraiser of a kid, idn't he?" said Davy.
"A what?" said Mike.
"A whaaat?" said BT.
Mike & BT looked at each other, & then looked at sleeping Peter turtle, and then out the window, & then back at Davy. "Mmmm, nope," said Mike & stepped on BT in rage.
"MIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!" she yelped.
"Oh, sorry, I was in denial for a second," he muttered.
"Withdrawal," Davy corrected him.
Davy shrugged. "Well, sorry man," he said & rolled off to an all-girl chicken fry party to infiltrate the ranks.
"So, is that like a hen party, or..." said BT in confusion.
"DON'T SAY THAT!" Mike said in an agitated tone.
"Sorry," said BT & sniffed at a stray feather.
"HI!! NAP IS ALL DONE," said Al bursting in with Micky.
"Oh," Mike groaned. "You."
BT went & banged her head into Micky's leg inquisitively.
"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH, PWETTY KITTY FINGY!!!" he shrieked in a tone that could break glass, had Al not break-proofed the windows months before (Sassip kept punting through them), & seized BT.
"That's Beeteeeeeeeeee kitty," Al said with distaste.
"Nooo, Beeteeeeeeee is a boofer and the kitty is cute and nice!! I like kitties, they are so much better than doggies," said Micky & started rambling about dumb things while holding BT in the most terribly wrong position.
"Ccaaaan't breathe," she stammered & looked at Mike helplessly. He pecked Micky.
"Don't do that," said Micky & continued rambling.
"OH THIS IS FUNNY!!" shrieked Davy, rolling back in. "So, I went to this-"
"Please, don't TELL me," said Mike.
"Oh, well, I got some chicken for you," said Davy grinnning evilly & shoved it into the fridge.
"I feel faint," said Mike in a silly voice & toppled over.
"DAVY DAVY DAVY I MISSED YOUUUUUU!!" yelled Sassip & jumped on his feet.
"Stop that, beastie thing," said Davy & picked her up & tickled her because everyone was being dumb and cute.
After Micky had exhausted the entertainment possibilities of BT the cat (which consisted of suffocating her), Al tralalaed off to fingerpaint on the walls of BT's room with him & Mike was toppled & Davy was tickling Sassip & Peter was sleeping on the back of the couch & MT was off on his Hot Date.
"Yep, this is a pretty screwed-up story," said Sassip.
"What would you know?" asked Someone.
"AUGH! DAVY! DAVY HELLLPPP!" shouted Sassip and wheeled around in a circle.
"Someone should go AWAY!" said Mike and pecked at the chicken in the fridge.
"MIke you you.. you.. you.." said BT.
"Want some BT?" he asked, throwing her a drumstick.
"OH yum!" she said and pounced on it.
"I prefer fish. Chicken is so uncouth," said Sassip airily.
"AHEM!" said Mike with a beakful of fried chicken.
"Ehehe.. except large chicken rooster Monkees things missing feathers on their chests..." Sassip added hastily.
Mike sneered. "I BANDAGED THEM UP! Its not liek I'm *NAKED* sheesh!"
"Well you don't have clothes." said Davy.
"Yeh but I got feathers." said Mike.
Davy turned around and Sassip was wearing Micky's tablecloth.
"Hmmm..." said Davy abstractly. "What's wrong with this picture....?"
"HI DAVY!" said Sassip brightly, then realized he was a yucky girl and spun around and ran away.
"YOU TAKE HIS TABLECLOTH OFF, *I* WANT IT!!" BT shrieked & left her drumstick behind in favor of chasing Sassip around in circles.
"She moves pretty fast for a sea monster," Mike remarked idly.
Just then MT returned from his Hot Date, with his shirt misbuttoned & his hair fooped up.
"So how was your hot date," Mike said flatly & sarcastically in all his stoic deadpan glory. "She dumped me," MT said dejectedly. "Because I didn't have lemmyade pops."
"Oh, PLEASE," Davy snorted & picked Sassip up by a flipper & swung her around, because he was bored.
"My feathers hurt," said Mike.
"HI, DUMB PEOPLE!" said Al re-entering.
"HI, STUPID PEOPLE!" said Micky following.
"I already said that," said Al & poked him.
"Did not," said Micky & poked her.
"Oh you are CUTE!!" shrieked BT & jumped up on Micky's head & sat there. He looked deeply perturbed.
"AAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!" he whimpered.
"Oh honestwy it's a dumb kitty thing," said Al & picked her up & played with her tail until BT scratched her.
"Ow," she said & dropped BT on the floor.
"I THINK EVERYTHING SHOULD GO BACK TO NORMAL NOW," Mike said very loudly.
"Well?" said Mike & tapped his chickeny foot.
"The authors are playing with our minds," Davy informed him solemnly.
"But, but, but, you gotta end the story, I don't wanna stay like this!! I can't LIVE without lemmyade pops! Uh, lemonade pops!" MT said.
"And my head hurts," Peter protested.
"Sorry, it's just not over yet," said the authors.
"Pweeeeeeeeeeeease?" said Micky & Al in cute simultaneous voices.
"Nope," said one of the authors.
"But maybe we should?" said the other author.
So anyway, MT followed Davy about.
"MT! KNOCK IT OFFFF!" he shouted and stamped his foot.
"You're a cutie!" said MT.
"Ugh he's worse than Micky.." Davy sneered.
MT looked confused.
"That's it." said Davy and walked off to pet Peter.
"Davvvyyyyy, I don't feel good!" said Peter.
"I think Micky moved into your mind. Hang on." said Davy. "Al.. Micky.. you can move in with me, K? YOu gotta get out of Pita..er.. Peter's .. er.. Peetah's mind or else um... he's gonna be sick, see?"
"Awwww, K Dayyyvvveeeee!" said Micky and Al and promptly moved into Davy's bed.
"Darn.." said Davy. "What did I get myself into?"
"Thanks Micky!" said Peter.
"MICKY!?" shouted Davy. "I'm not Micky! I'm Davy!"
"Oh, right. THANKS DAVY!" said Peter and hugged him. Davy looked used and silly.
"Oh, you're a girl..." said Peter.
"Yes yes you didn't notice!?" asked Davy, all sarcastically.
"Sorry Davy I was not feeling good.." said Peter.
"Oh well it's okay. Once it turns into day I'll be good!" said Davy.
"But isn't it day now? The story started out like.. 'One day'..."
"Well, they just use generic things because they are lazy."
Peter got up and frolicked happily.
"Ugh how come HE gets to.. MT GET OFF!" shouted Davy and waved his leg frantically trying to dislodge the thingy.
BT stalked around and made kitty sigh noises.
"What's wrong, Feline Wonder?" asked Mike boredly.
BT sneered at him. "Nothing. I just don't want to be a cat. At least you are your own size and you can pick things up."
"Yeh that's weird man!" said Mike, and mulled it over. "I never thought of that!"
"OH NO! MIKE FELL INTO DEEP THOUGHT!" shouted someone and pulled him out.
"Thanks..." said Mike groggily.
He glared at BT. "Don't make me think anymore." he said and got up shakily to eat more chicken.
"Oh my drumstick!" said BT and pounced on it happily.
"Dwumsticks??? Oooh!!" said Micky happily, getting out of Davy's bed.
"No no not that kind of drumsticks," said Peter, who felt much better now.
"I wanna be a dwummew when I gwow up," said Micky.
"You already are, you IDIOT," said BT.
"Ooh, I am a idiot!! Idiot Idiot Idiot," said Micky happily & danced around with Al.
"That's the single most sick thing I have ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on," said Peter.
"Listen, I know I don't have any lemonade pops," MT started, "but will you go on a Hot Date with me???"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Davy & kicked him off. "Man, just make it daytime or whatever, I'm sick of this."
One day later...
"Oh, thank you," said Davy, dancing around happily.
"Where did that cute English chick go? She was really short but she was HOT!" said MT.
"Oh my gosh you disgusting LECH THING!!! And he was such a cute kid," said BT disapprovingly & scratched up his pants leg. Then she had an evil idea & went & banged her head into Micky's leg & consequentially he picked her up the wrong way & started saying dumb things. "Hey Al make me regular BT now!" said BT.
"No," said Al stubbornly.
"I'll give you Davy..." BT coaxed.
"OH okay! He is cute, and fun to play with," said Al & made BT herself just as BT switched Micky & MT's ages.
"HI MICKY!" she shrieked but Micky turned his forcefield on & BT was dumb.
"That was dumb," he said.
"WE KNOW," said Al. "UGH I have the worst headache, I felt like I ate seven vats of pudding or something."
"You did," Micky remarked acidly. "I remember."
"Ewwwwww WHY did those FREAKS write this story?" said Al.
"Fweeeeeeeeeeeeeaks?" said MT inquisitively & poked at Mike chicken.
"Oh, right," said Al & turned Mike into himself, and Sassip into her normal size, and Peter into himself.
"MUCH BETTER," said Sassip, and randomly selecting Davy, Micky, MT, and Al, stuffed them in her pouch, leaving the zipper open so they could stick their heads out & breathe.
"But I am still a cat," BT frowned.
"NO YOU AREN'T!" said Sassip.
"Oh..." said BT & felt dumb.
"Who hit me if I was a kid?" said Al.
"I dunno," said Micky.
"MOMMMYYY!?" said MT and Al gave him a lemonade pop. "YAY!" he shrieked happily.
"WHO HIT ME!?" Al shrieked.
"WE DUNNO!" said everyone.
Al made faces and went to sleep.
Peter ate some sugar. Mike had two Al sized fist holes ripped into his shirt and went to change. Sassip fell asleep and drooled but Micky, MT, Davy and Al were safe and warm and squished and smothered.
Next Issue: BT inadvertently turns into a tree & they decide to go trick-or-treating.