How To Succeed In Superheroism
Without Really Trying


One evening, well it wasn't really evening it was about 4:00, but it was completely dark outside for some reason so we'll split the difference and call it evening, Mike sat up and said, "BT where the heck were you for all those stories?"
BT grinned mischievously.
"I know where she was," Micky said.
"No, you don't," said BT.
"Yes, I do," said Micky.
"Hey, these lines are mixed up," said BT.
"Oh...yeah, not only are those your lines, but they're from last story. Stupid authors."
"HEY!" said the authors.
"I was somewhere," said BT vaguely.
"You're as bad as Sassip," said Al.
"Mommyyyyyy tell me where you werrrrrrrrrrre," MT begged, wandering over to her & plopping down in her lap. She started turning blue.
"MT get off her she can't BREATHE!!" shrieked Al.
"Huh?" said MT in a bewildered voice.
"GET OFF!!" said Davy, yanking him to his feet.
"Aahhhh," BT said, being able to breathe again. "I was somewhere that was not here," she explained.
"Oh, that clears everything up," Peter said with relief.
"I should, however, like to know why I can't attach myself to MICKY," BT said sulkily.
Micky blinked.
"Well, Aallllll tell me," said BT impatiently.
Al blinked twice.
"Mike? Pita? Anyone?" said BT, looking around.
"Why did you call me Pita?" said Pita.
"PETER!" said everyone.
"Oh. Why did you call me Pita?" said Peter.
"I dunno."
Everyone blinked.

"Well, then I won't tell you where I was," said BT, running at Micky. She bounced into the couch. She tried it again, & fell down where she was. She tried it again, and turned into a slice of meatloaf with mayonnaise all over it.
"Oh EWWWWWWWW!!!" she cried in disgust.
"Icky," said MT, pushing her away.
BT turned herself back into herself & tried running for Micky again. She bounced so hard she turned into a parrot.
"Ooh, this is funny, I'm a lime green parrot," she said in amusement, but soon tired of it & poofed back into herself. She ran at Micky yet again and this time bounced incredibly hard & turned into a trumpet.
"Oo, heehee, it's a funny brass type musically thing," said Micky & picked it up & tried to play it, but it sounded really terrible. Fortunately it started to melt so they couldn't hear it anymore.
"Oh, ew," said Micky, grabbing a paper towel & brushing it off. "Yuck, melty trumpet BT thing."
"MOMMY SYRUP?!" MT shrieked, poking at the mess of BT goo, which promptly rematerialized.
"He he he he he he," BT said over and over until Mike kicked her.
"OUT WITH IT!" he cried.
"HE KIIIIISSED MEEEEEEE," she shrieked.
"WHAT?! I did NOT," said Micky.
"YES YES YOU DIIID AAAAAUUUGGHHHH," she said & died.
"Oh, stop it," said Al & punched her, which revived her.
"HE ACTUALLY KISSED ME OF HIS OWN FREE WILL IN HIS NORMAL FORM AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO FOOP HIM UP!" BT yelled & started running around in circles wringing her hands & screeeeeaming her head off.

Everyone stared at her.
"She's stoned nuts," Mike announced firmly.
"She's silly," said Peter.
"She can take a flying leap," said Micky emphatically.
"Mommy go NUTS?!" MT shrieked.
"Go? What GO? She's always been nuts," said Sassip.
"Shut up dahling," said Davy.
"Ooh he said dahling, heehee," said Micky.
"YOU KISSED BT!" Davy said & giggled until Sassip shoved him in her pouch.
"I did noooooootttttttttttttttttt," Micky yelled & started freaking out & having a fit.
BT giggled and sighed and floated around. Everyone swatted at her but she was like one of those huge greenflies you can't ever get rid of.
"BT KNOCK IT OFF!" Al shouted and got a huge flyswatter and swatted her back to normal.
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO I FORGOT THAT WAS HER!" said Micky.
"How?" asked Sassip.
"Mmmmphz!!!" said Davy.
"Well I dunno... I'm not used to this forcefield thing! OOOH BT YOU FOOOOOPER!" shrieked Micky. He zapped her with as much juice as he could gather from his crystal.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!" cried BT.
"Oh fun!" said Sassip, using Davy's crystal to zap BT and Micky.
"STOOOOOOOOOOOOPPP!" they shouted running around rubbing their tushes.
Mike sighed and zapped Sassip.
"OOOUUUCCHH!" said Sassip and punted Mike reflexively.
Peter giggled but didn't use his own crystal.

Suddenly 12 men came into the pad with guns and big sticks.
"Hey! You have to pay!" they said.
"Pay what?" asked Micky.
"EVERYTHING!" said the men. "We're only here for the four guys. You stupid looking chicks and this clone and this large sea monster can all stay. But these four go bye byes!" said the head man and carted the Monkees away.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" shouted MT grabbing onto Micky. "DAAAADDDDYYY!!"
the men looked at them funnily. One of them was about to beat MT with a large whonking stick but BT turned the stick against him and sent him flying out of the room shrieking amidst stick bashing.
BT grabbed MT quickly and the Monkees were dragged off.
"Man that's a drag!" said Sassip and went to sleep.
"She's no good." sighed Al.
"WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO THEY TOOK MICKY MY MICKY WARGH!" shouted BT and ran around aimlessly hitting walls, furniture, Sassip and MT.
"MOOOOMMMEEE!" MT whinged.
"Oh, sorry dear dear dear NOOO NO MICKY NOOOOO!" she shouted again and Al punched her with something she didn't know what it was called.
"Its called a fish." said Sassip sleepily.
"Fish?" asked Al inquisitively.
"No, FISSTT AAAAALLL!" MT giggled.
"Oh yes. I knew that... ehe.." said Al. "Well, there's only one thing TO do!"
"WHAT!?" wailed BT.
Al raised her eyebrows secretively. "We shall have to become the Incredibly Quartet!"
"Huh?" said MT, poking her with a shishkabob stick.
"OOOWWW MT that hurts!" Al said, shying away from him.
"Okay okay... but.. HOWWWWW!?" shouted BT.
Al shrugged and sighed. "HOW?!" she said and giggled.
"What did you do THAT for!?" Sassip asked moodily.
"I dunno, Davy's not around to.. ANYWAY. COME ON!" said Al tugging on everyone.
"WHAT!?" they all shouted.
"UGH!" shouted Al and said "WE HAVE TO BECOME THE INCREDIBLY QUARTET! UP UP AND AWAAYY!"
"But we're just us..." said BT.
"Oh.... well.. come ON!" said Al. Everyone stood up grumpily.
"LET"S GOOO!" shouted Al and everyone turned into their super hero selves.

"Look Mommy I is a Monkeemen!" said MT happily. He put a hole through the roof flying through it.
"No no dear, not til we get directions." said BT, after he landed, and patching up the roof.
"HA! SUPER MEEEE!" shouted Al and jumped around stupidly.
"Don't do that!" said Sassip. "So what do I get to be?"
"I'm Wonder Midget!" shouted BT excitedly and put on a cape and a mask.
"WHERE'S MOMMY!?" said MT.
"Right here MT!' said BT confusedly.
"Oh.. Mommy!" said MT hugging Al tight.
"Ugh no Mommy is not I" said Al.
"MOMMY!" shouted MT, hugging Sassip.
Al stared and burst out laughing.
BT grimaced. "No, its ME!" she said and hugged him. MT looked scared and backed away.
"Wow what's up with him?" said Al.
"I dunno but what do *I* get to beee!?" Sassip intoned impatiently.
"Oh welllll um.. we need transportation so uh..." said Al, poofing up some big wings for Sassip.
"Eep!" said Sassip, as her front flippers had turned into big wings.
"Okay! Everyone on! And up up and AWAY!" said Al as they all clambered on and off flew Sassip through the roof.
"Ouch. Up up and a CRASH!" said Sassip, rubbing her head.
"Sassip, you have to use BOTH wings to fly................." Al reminded her as they plummeted a bit.
"OOOOH!" said Sassip and giggled and resumed the use of both wings.
She managed to fly out of the pad & was flying around aimlessly.

"So, uh, where did they go?" said Sassip confusedly.
"Uh...uh...they were ... hmm," said BT.
"I know where they went," said MT.
"Yeah, sure hon," said BT.
"Well, the writers can't come up with EVERYTHING," said Al plainly.
"I know!!" said MT raising his hand. BT put it down.
"LOOK DOWN AND THERE'S A BRIGHT ORANGE CAR AND THAT'S WHAT THEY DRIVED IN IT!!" MT shouted impatiently.
There was, and they did, so everyone followed the car until it got to a big office building.
Then Sassip landed (well she crashed sort of) and everyone disembarked.
"How are we gonna get inside?" said BT.
"Duh, we'll use the DOOR," said Al.
"But Sassip can't fit through it."
So everyone shoved until Sassip popped through and everyone else walked in & took the elevator to the 23rd floor & took the third door on the right.
"IT'S THE INCREDIBLY QUARTET!" they all said.
"Oops, hold on, we did it wrong," they all said, filing out & then bursting in through the wall. "IT'S THE INCREDIBLY QUARTET!" said MT & Al.
"You guys, you didn't say the thing," said Al at BT & Sassip.
"Oops," they said.
"OH, forget it. Say the thing, guys."
"WE'RE SAVED!!!" said the Monkees.
There weren't any guys with sticks around, but there was a guy with a gun.
"Go away," he said in an irritated tone.
"Uh-uh," said BT.
"No, really, I have to get them taken care of by 5:00 because I need to pick my suit up at the cleaners," he said.
Everyone blinked.
"WELL, I do! Now if you would kindly run along..."
"UH-UH!!!" said BT firmly.
"Just what do you think you freaks are doing running around in get-ups like THAT?! And what kind of costume is that giant turtle thing?!"
Sassip sidled up to him, as much as a sea monster can sidle, and grinned down at him evilly.

"I'm SUPER ME!" Al said, with a triumphant flourish.
"I'm WONDER MIDGET!" said BT with a stupid flourish.
"But you're barely any shorter than Al!" said Davy.
"I'm a MONKEE MAN!" said MT.
"Uhhh, yeah, sure honey cookie," said BT patting him on the head & looking confused.
"I'm SASSIP. I'm transportation," announced Sassip.
"Man, the things kids do nowadays," said the guy with the gun.
"Right, I'll do you for that!" said Al, lunging at him, & missing by five inches.
"Oh, sheesh, Al, what's the matter?" said BT.
"I took my glasses off to be Super Me and now I can't SEE anything!" Al said, floundering around. Micky giggled because he was evil.
"I thought...oh wait...I can't see either...MICKY!! I CAN'T SEE MICKY!! OH MY GOSH!" BT said, & fell on the floor & started rolling around.
MT sat down & cried. "I'm HUNGRYYYY!!!"
"Oh, for pete's SAKE," Sassip said, "do I have to do this myself?"
"Yes," said Mike & Peter & Davy.
"Uh, yes," said Micky.
"You were late," said Mike.
"Yeah I know," said Micky.
"POUCH TIME!!" announced Sassip, & swept the gun guy into her pouch happily. Then everyone went home & had cocoa with marshmallows, yum yum, nice nice, happy little swizzle sticks tra-la-la.

THE END

Next Issue: BT thinks she's a little kid and it's dumb and stuffs WHEEE.

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