The truth is out there...
Alien Abduction Antics

Davy and Peter were once again walking around the city idly talking with Peter eating his beloved pistachio nuts.
"Listen, Pete, man, everytime you eat these things sometimes weird happens! Remember that time I got into boxing?" Davy whined.
"Yeh, but that was only once." Peter replied.
"Well, pick them up." Davy sighed.

Peter started to pick them up when a police officer walked up to them. "You there! What are you doing, you kids!?" he asked.
"Well, I'm picking up the nuts." Peter replied.
"WHAT!? You must be crazy! Youths never pick up their trash, and they make huge messes and expect grown ups to clean up after em! Well, you're coming with me... you must be.. oh but its too horrible to think of!" said the officer. With that he grabbed Peter and dragged him away. "Wait!" Davy called after them. "Ooooh....." and he went to get Mike.

*back at the pad*

"MIIIIKKKKEEEE!! MIIIKKKKEEEE!" Davy screamed.
"Davy! What is it man?"
"Peter's been.. he's been arrested!" Davy said.
"WHaaa!?" cried Micky.
"Come on Davy! Come on! Where's he gone eh? Come on!" Mike said.

Davy looked wide eyed and pointed to the door.
"Oh okay! Come on! Come on Davy!!!" Mike said, prompting Davy.
"Hey, I'm not a dog!" Davy said.
"Sorry." Mike said, and they followed Davy out the door.

*at the police station*

"Well, boy? What were you doing picking up those nuts huh?" the officer asked.
"Well I was..."
"Abducted by aliens! I knew it!" cried a scientist in the corner of the small interrogation room. "Quickly! We have to get him into a special secure military room."
"No no that's not it at all!" Peter said, but they had already tied them up and were hauling him off. Micky, Davy and Mike arrived on scene just in time to see them putting Peter in a big van.

"FOLLOW THAT VAN!.. er.. This looks like a job for..." they trailed off as they ducked into a near by phone booth... "MONKEEMEN!"
"Up, up, and away!" shouted Davy.
"Hey, man what's with this- hey, how far away d'y'think they'll go?" Mike said.
They all started drawing little circles in the ground and made a giant indiscernible map.
"We better fly, guys," said Micky.
To make a long story short...(too late)...they did.

*At the scary military testing room thingummy*

"At last - a real alien abductee!" said the scientist in a heavily accented and somewhat insane voice.
"But, sir, I was-" Peter started.
"Did they try & read your mind? What have they learned? When do they land?" the scientist asked eagerly.
"Well, I don't-"
"Oh, come on, you can remember! Just close your eyes and think carefully, back to-"
"But I wasn't abducted by aliens! I was just picking up the nuts!"

The scientist looked very confused for a moment, and then smiled.
"Aha! They have brainwashed you, obviously. Come come, we will run tests," he said, but as he turned around, Mike, Davy & Micky burst through the wall.
"HAHA!" they shouted.
"I'm saved!!" said Peter.

The scientist giggled in a ridiculous manner and said "O-ho, THESE are your alien abductors!!! Perhaps we'd better...no, no, they might vaporise us with their little laser ray gun photons, or-"
"Man, what's up with him?" said Mike.
"Oh, anyway," the scientist suddenly turned around and took something out of a drawer.
"Now, we will test your reflexes, yes?" and whacked Peter over the head with the little hammer.

"Oh, nooooooo..." Micky & Davy said at the same time, and ran over to Peter to try & wake him up. But it was too late - Al & BT were plainly there, sitting on the desk.
The Dock merely looked at them in awe.
"WHAT THE.. GUARDS!!!" he shouted.
Eight guards ran into the room and seized everybody.
"NOT ME!" cried the scientist. They let him go.

"Those two girls. Take them to the testing room! Leave that boy tied up and take these three oddly dressed... "men" into the holding cell. Call in Dr. Bork. He can perform on this boy to see if he can get his senses back. I will operate on the alien girls and see what I can find out."
The guards hurried to comply. Al and BT tried to pop back into Peter's imagination, but he had woken up and some how they weren't going back in.
"OW YOU CAN'T DO THIS! Darnit something's not right!" Cried Al.
"Uh, Sorry Al." said BT sheepishly.
"Yeh, well, the next time you pop out, make sure you look through Peter's internal periscope for Geez's sake!" Al said huffily.

BT and Al were hurried down to the other testing room and strapped to some big metal tables.
"SOmething in this place must be interfering with our ability to get back into..." Al started, but the scientist cut her off.
"Of course it is! This whole place has electrical currents running through special wires to stop transmissions or anything of that sort!" he laughed evilly. Al didn't see how this impacted her and BT's ability to pop back to Peter, but she figured it was a poor plot and went along with it.

"I hope the other guys are okay. Specially Micky..." sighed BT.
"YEOWCH! Don't do that!" she nearly shrieked as the doctor shot her up with some sedative.
"I don't know how you aliens react to sedatives, but trial and error, eh?" he said evilly and shot Al up with some.
"Don't do that." she said reflectively. And then promptly fell asleep. BT wouldn't cause she was too worried about Micky, and so the Doctor decided to wait for her and operate a bit on Al.

Back in the holding cell, Davy, Micky and Mike were wandering around their tiny space in a desperate attempt to think of a good plan.
"Ooh! Ooh! Okay...ah...alright, if we had some pistachio nuts, and..." Micky broke up into giggles.
Mike looked slightly annoyed. "Now look, this isn't funny...Peter's tied up or something, and these people know about Al & BT! And some guy is gonna perform tests on us or somethin' and and and-"
"Yeah, we know, so we better think of somethin'," said Davy.
They walked around in circles some more.

"Um...um, hey Davy?" Micky said.
"Yeah?"
"Is that door locked?"
Everyone went over and Mike opened the door.
"Well...um...aha...oh, sheesh," he said, and ducked out of the room...only to be faced by two guards.

"GET BACK IN YOUR CELL," said one.
"Ooh, dark dim cell, languish languish," Mike said, and fell on the floor.
"Get up, and get back in the cell," said the guard again.
"But we wanna drinka water!!" Micky whined.
"BACK!" shouted the guard, and tried to step on Mike, who got up & ran off, followed by the others.
"Well, it was ... worth a try..."

*Back to where Peter is*

Peter shuffled around, and tried to get untied, but of course to no avail. He glanced around the room to try & find something that might help him, and he seized upon a can of pistachios in the corner next to some chemicals. He scooted over, centimeter by centimeter, and kind of fell over trying to get to them. But just then, he heard footsteps, and the door opened.

"You must be Peeetaaaahr!" said the man who was standing there.
"Are you Dr. Bork?" said Peter somewhat suspiciously.
"Yeees, I am," he said, and grinned evilly.
"Oh...well, I don't think I like you," he said, and scooted off onto the floor, and rolled away.
Bork hauled Peter bodily from the ground and deposited him back on the table. This time he tied Peter TO the table and not just tied up ON the table.
Peter struggled but to no avail.

The Dr. had his back turned to Peter and was mixing some of the pistachios with the chemicals. Unbeknownst to Peter.
"Ahhh, now, Peter, are you a hungry boy, huh?Peter smiled and nodded his head.
"And do you like pistachio nuts?"
Peter nodded again.
"Well, how would you like some of these?" the Dr. popped a few in Peter's mouth.

Peter chewed away happily and swallowed. The Dr. stood over Peter expectantly and Peter got a funny feeling that he was tricked.
"Um..... what did you.. urk..." said Peter, who suddenly went into an odd state of mind.
"Aha! That had my secret potion on it!" cried Bork. "You will be my slave! Well, not really. But you will tell me EVERYTHING I want to know! It is TRUTH SERUM! MWAHAHAHA"

Meanwhile, back in the operating room, Al was out cold. BT watched in horror as the scientist was taping electrodes all over her and zapping the living daylights out of her.
"Hmmmm there is NO heartbeat!!" he was crying wildly. He was very puzzled indeed. "And she SEEMS to be breathing but she's really not!"
He looked confused and then looked at BT, who was still fully awake. "YOU! Why don't you two really breath or anything!?" he demanded from her.

BT was frightened and spilled the nuts.
"Well I was like well we are part of Peter's imagination and well um like he er.. when you hit him we thought well that he was asleep and it was safe to come out and now you're zapping Al and I WANNA GO HOOMMMEEEWAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAHHH" cried BT.
"Yes.... well.. I'll just work with this one..." the scientist said as he put a big piece of duct tape over BT's mouth.
"MMMMPHHHMMMGPH!" she said angrily.

The scientist ignored her and began to draw some of Al's blood. It was purple. The scientist looked shocked, put it into a vial and marked it carefully. He then took 5 more vials, all purple.
Then, on a hunch he took some of BT's blood and it was bright flourescent green. This scared the Dr. and he decided not to work with BT at all. He'd give her to Bork.. that stupid guy. He deserved it.
BT whimpered and growled at the scientist evilly.

Then the Dr. wondered what else he could try out on Al. He examined all the normal stuff like eyes and ears and nose and everything seemed normal. Except, of course, for lack of heartbeat, bloodpressure and breathing.
"Well.. the specimen DOES seem to have some definite brainwaves and they seem to be more or less human. And going over to.. uh. this one... Oh my!" BT's brainwaves were all over the place and made no sense at all.
"Hmmmm....." said the dr. and just stared and stared for minutes.

"I still think we oughta get some nuts and..." Micky started.
"Man! Cool it with the nuts! What would we do with nuts??" Mike said irritably.
"Well..." said Micky, a big jar of nuts appearing in his hand. "We could walk up to the door, like this... so "HELLO! GUARDS! WANT SOME NUTS?!" like that, and when the guards come.. Oh, hello!"
"What did you say??" cried the guards.
"Oh, well we were wondering if you'd like some nuts." said Micky. "Would we EVER!" said the guards and opened the door. Micky handed over the nuts and the Guards sat down happily chomping away, while the Monkeemen ran off to save Peter and BT and Al.

"Now," said Dr. Bork, walking around thinking up evil fiendish questions to ask Peter.
"WHAT...is your name?"
"My name is Peter Tork," he said in a strange voice.
"Tork, Tork...odd name, but it is an alien, after all. Alright - where is your home planet?"
"Earth."
"Oh no...they have invaded us already!! Thousands among us could be merely clones of our former selves, wrenching the torment of-"

"HA-HAAAA!" said Mike, Micky & Davy, again stepping through the hole in the wall from last time.
"I am saved," said Peter absently.
"Okay, you go get Al & BT, Davy," Mike said.
"Where are they?"
"I don't know, just...I don't know, go find 'em," Mike said, herding Davy off.
"I'll help him," said Micky.
"Now then," said Mike, taking off his glasses and staring down the Borky Dr. person.

"What havoc hast thou wreaked upon my trusted friend, thou varlet!"
"VARLET?!" screeched Dr. Bork. "Worthy opponent, I do take offense - we meet on the field of honor!"
"Aw, man, look we can't spend the rest of this paragraph dueling...this fanfic can only go on so long, y'know."
"Oh?" he sounded disappointed. "Well, I've never done one of these before. So how do we settle it?"
"We'll shoot for it," said Mike.

"One, two, three, shoot!" Both scissors.
"One, two three shoot!" Scissors again.
"One, two...Ooohhh, willya lookathat!" Mike said, pointing down on the floor.
"What, where?" said the Dr., bending down. Mike bonked him on the head and rushed to untie Peter.

"Find anything, Davy?" said Micky.
"Nope, not yet...we've been in a hundred doors already, they've got to be around here somewhere," Davy said.
They continued checking doorways. Finally they came upon the last one and lo and behold!

"It's ALWAYS the last one you check," Micky said.
They walked in. And walked out again.
"We forgot the HAHA..." Davy muttered.
"Oh yeh.. Shall we go again?" Micky asked.
"HAHA!" they shouted as they made a hole through the wall.
"THE DOOR WAS OPEN!" shouted the scientist. And he scurried off out the hole before they could catch him.

Davy and Micky were appalled to see Al under a huge heap of wires and machinery, and obviously unconscious.
""Ere, you untie BT and I'll start working on Al. Then we all three can help get her undone." Davy suggested. They went to work. Micky soon had BT out and they all worked on getting Al free. Well, BT started pushing some of the shock buttons and Al opened one eye.
"Don't do that." she said and went back to being unconscious.

They finally got her free of the machinery and Micky grabbed her up, slung her over his shoulder unceremoniously and they all headed back to Mike and Peter.
BT kept smacking Al and every now and then Al would come out of being unconscious just long enough to say "Don't do that!"

Finally they ended up back at the original room, with Mike stepping on a badly defeated Bork, and Peter in a weird trance.
Micky unceremoniously dumped Al on top of Peter and they all waited about 2 hours for the serum to wear off Peter. Peter sat upright quickly, knocking Al to the floor.

"What!? Where!?" he cried.
"It's all right!" the others said. Peter calmed down and looked at Al. "What's SHE doing here?" he asked.
"I don't know but she's not awake and we can't get back in and andandnadnadn..." BT was crazily going on and on.
"SHUDDAP!" cried Mike. "What we gotta do is get out of here and call the police. Also, because unless we get out of here, Al and BT won't be able to get back into Peter's head. Once we get back to the Pad it'll be okay."

So they did all that and got back to the pad.
"Man, Al is really out cold!" said Davy, waving a hand in front of her face.
"Oh look, she's drooling!" Peter said grabbing a tissue.
"Well Pete.. you know what you gotta do..." said Micky.
"Yeh.. " Peter moaned. And promptly fell asleep.

"Can you get back in without Al?" Micky asked BT.
BT thought of lying to him, but Al looked a little green around the gills so she just nodded and poofed them both back in.
"Good. Al will be fine once she gets back home." Mike said and they all sat down to watch some TV.

Next Issue: Micky and Al somehow swap bodies causing great angst for BT.

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