"Hi everyone!" he said, entering the pad to find BT, Davy & Micky sprawled on the floor in various positions watching TV & Al playing checkers with Mike.
"'Lo," said everyone.
"Hey, where in the WORLD did you get that hat?" Micky said, pointing to the purple & yellow beanie (with a propellor!) Peter was carrying.
"Oh, the strange popsicle man gave it to me," Peter said matter-of-factly.
Micky just sort of looked at him, and said, "Ooookay," turning his attention back to the television.
"It's a cool hat!!!" BT said, running up & spinning the propellor. "Put it on put it on you'll look cute!"
Davy walked over & peered at the hat intently. "'Ey look, there's something stitched on it."
Sure enough, in lime green block letters, barely visible against the yellow, it said "THINKING CAP".
"You could use one of those," Mike said, grinning.
Peter smiled. "Ooh! Well, it looks funny, but I'll try it," he said & put it on.
Suddenly BT looked at him, poofed up some glasses & a white lab coat, & went to inspect the mold in the refrigerator. "Excuse me, I've got to conduct an experiment," she said, & strolled off.
Micky, Davy & Peter stared after her. "That was...odd..." said Davy. Then he shouted, "AAHH! 'Ey, Peter's BLUE!!"
And he was.
"Oh, well, this is interesting," Peter said, looking in a mirror.
Then Al turned into a sausage link.
"Al's a sausage link," Mike said plainly.
"No kidding?!" Micky said in a shocked tone.
Mike made a face & poked at Al with a stick. Then she turned into an electric oscillating fan.
"Oohhh heeheee my voice sounds funny!!" she said talking through herself. Then she frowned (sort of).
"Peter...why am I a fan? Maybe you better take the hat off..."
"But I like it!" Peter said & pouted.
"Uhh, maybe she's right," Davy said, peering into the kitchen, where BT was looking at a slice of pizza through a microscope.
Peter looked at BT, & then at Al the fan, & then at his blue self, & nodded, sighing. But then the hat wouldn't come off.
"Uh-oh, it's stuck."
Al then turned back into herself suddenly.
"Oh, maybe it doesn't need to come off after all," she said oddly.
"Huh? Al?" said Micky, waving a hand in front of his face.
Then Peter looked a bit different.
"HA! I fooled you!" he said in a weird voice.
"What?" asked Mike, poking Peter.
"DON'T do that!" said Peter evilly.
Davy backed up. "What's wrong with Peter man!?" he said.
"I'll tell you! I just possessed him!" said Peter.
Davy Mike and Micky looked at him.
"Yes, that's right. This is the "hat" talking!" said the hat through Peter.
Davy, Mike and Micky continued to gawk.
"Don't gawk, its not polite. I shall explain. I have been trapped in this hat for years now! I don't remember how I got in here, but anyone who puts on the hat is my slave! Anyway, I haven't been put on a head for years and have become incredibly bored. My last owner died and his stupid son the popsicle salesman was left me in his will. The dead guy not the son. Anyway, he was too scared of me to put me on, the twit! But it suits me well as I have control of these two wacky figment chicks now! MWAHAHAHA," said Peter slave thing.
Davy Micky and Mike stared at each other.
The hat got mad. "Stop staring and say something! I'm amazing!"
Davy sniffed. "That's the longest discourse anyone has ever said in an Al and BT Chronicle story."
"NO not like that!" demanded the hat.
"Well, yeh man, its all groovy and all, but give us back Pete eh!" said Micky.
"Never!" said the hat.
"I knew you'd say that!" said Mike, giggling.
Davy started giggling too.
"HOW!?" he said and giggled more.
Mike stopped and stared at him. Davy stopped.
The hat took Peter for a spin. He motioned at Al and Al followed him rather zombie like.
"Okay, now, first off I want a throne here.. and I need a really exquisite crown, cape and scepter," said the hat.
Al poofed them up.
"No no, I don't like rubies! Gimme sapphires!" he said irritably.
Al said "But master, rubies go better with your hair."
"What? Oh, yes hair no well I don't care."
Al made a face and gave him sapphires.
Then the Hat beckoned to BT. BT turned around and brought him one of Al's potions.
Davy, Micky and Mike were huddled upstairs trying to think of a way to stop the evil hat.
"Oh no! He has a potion! Its one of Al's! It could do anything from make cheese sandwiches to blowing up the universe!"
"Hey!! Do you think it'd make BFPL sandwiches?" Micky said excitedly.
Mike grabbed Davy's arm & hit Micky with it.
"Ow," said Davy & Micky.
"What we gonna do now?" Davy said.
"Wait," said Mike.
"That's dumb!!" Micky said.
"Wellll, I can't think right now. Gimme a few minutes," Mike said, & put his hat on.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!" Davy said & lunged for the hat, but it wouldn't come off.
"Huuhh??" Micky gasped. "Davy, how did you know?"
Davy giggled. "HOW??!!!!!"
Suddenly Mike cocked his head to the side in an odd expression. "Hmm...I'm needed downstairs. Bye, fell-ows." he said & walked off.
Davy & Micky looked at each other. "NO HATS," they both said.
"Hel-lo, Mike," Al & BT greeted him.
"Hel-lo, Al. Hel-lo, Beetee."
The hat/Peter grinned. "Aaahhh, I was right! I can control other hats. Silly of me not to have known that all this time - think of the trouble it would have saved. Ah well, anyway...now, orders orders, what to do about orders..."
Al, BT, & Mike remained mute & motionless.
"Al & BT...bring Micky & Davy to me. Mike...hmm...oh yes! We should have a feast in honor of my coronation as King of the World, which should take place any day now. Prepare...a Texas Prairie Chicken!"
Mike twitched & said, "Dee-pest apologies master I can-not do that."
"WHAT?!" said the hat.
"I have no Texas Prai-rie Chic-ken."
"Ahh...hmmm...OH!" the hat exclaimed, & had Peter put him/it on Al. Then the hat made Al poof up a Texas Prairie Chicken, & another hat for Peter, identical to itself but without a propellor (!).
"Now, to your tasks!" said the hat, clapping its hands. Mike disappeared into the kitchen with the chicken.
"Kitchen with the chicken?" Al said.
"Be quiet," said the hat. "Now, go!!"
Peter & BT silently walked upstairs & into the bedroom where Micky & Davy were hiding, trying to formulate a plan. "Hel-lo," they greeted them. "You are needed. Come with us."
BT instinctively grabbed Micky's arm & Peter grabbed Davy's. "OOHHHHH no," Micky said, shaking her off. "I am going NOWHERE with you."
BT looked blank, & grabbed him in a really really strong grasp.
"Owwwwwww!!" he wailed, & mutely followed her downstairs with Peter & Davy.
"Oohhh, more slaves!" the hat clapped gleefully.
"What did you do to or with Mike?" Davy demanded.
"And how'd you CLAP?" Micky said confusedly.
The hat looked bewildered, & shrugged. "I don't know, nor do I know how I shrugged. Mike is preparing the Texas Prairie Chicken for my coronation banquet?"
"Your WHAT?" said Davy & Micky.
"Now, if I can just manage to poof up some hats for you two...mmmmphhh," said the hat, trying to use Al's powers. It managed to create a brown fez, but it was much too small for Davy or Micky.
"Hold on a second...I just have to get the hang of this..." it said.
Davy tried to whisper something in Micky's ear, but he was too short, so he poked Micky furiously in the side. "WHAT?" Micky said exasperatedly & then said "OOOohhhhh!!" He & Davy ran into another room & then crashed through the wall.
"TA-DA!! MONKEE-MEN!!!!! UP, UP AND AWAY!!!"
Davy grabbed Micky's arm.
"What's up with this up up and away thing?"
"I wanna fly, man, fly!" Micky began. "Oh wait, that's your line...er...we'll come in again," they said, going back through the hle in the wall.
Meanwhile, in Peter's mind, Peter, Al, Mike and BT were sitting around miserably.
"Ah, this sucks," said Al.
"How are we here?" asked Mike.
"Yeh?" asked Peter.
"Well Peter is here because since his body is taken over his mind is here. In his mind.. er... anyway. We are here because .. I don't know! But that.. HAT is using my beautiful powers!" whined Al.
"Can't you use them here?" asked BT.
"Yes, but once we .. well we can't go outside! I really don't know why we are ALL here.... but is we go out we'll just be in our bodies which are being controlled anyway." said Al.
"Oh..." said Mike.
"I lost you at the Yes." said BT.
"What are they doing to Micky and Davy?" asked Peter.
Al got up and looked out the mind peekhole. "Oh, Micky and Davy are being dumb!"
"Isn't that your task?" asked Mike to BT.
"No." said BT with a pained expression, as she dug into her 3rd BPLF sandwich.
Al looked around. "Nope, it's up to them to get us out. I do wonder why we're not all stuck in our own minds though."
No one was paying attention to her stupid long scientific rambles anymore so she sat down and watched how many sandwiches BT was cramming into her face at once.
Back outside, Davy and Micky came hurtling through the wall. Davy crashed into Mike.
"Ouch," said Mike, but you'd never known he was hurt by the expression on his face.
"Oh, Mike! Come on! Let's get you out of here!" said Davy. He began pulling on Mike's hat. And pulling. And pulling. He even put his feet up on Mike's back for leverage. The Hat came in.
"What? A Monkeeman! No! You won't foil my plans! I already have two of you under my power! MWAHAHAHA."
"HAH NO! We shall thwart your evil schemes!" said Micky, hurtling in and hitting the hat.
"Ouch," said Al's body. The hat was not phased.
"Don't say ouch!" said the Hat. "I am in control!"
"Y'okay!" said Al's body. The had kicked it. It stopped talking.
He got BT scientist to bring over the potion again.
"Ha! Throw that at the Monkeemen!" said the Hat.
BT threw it at the Monkeemen.
But Micky caught it.
They continued this for some time.
"Darn it, it's PLASTIC!" said the Hat.Davy was stil straining to get the hat off Mike.
Mike was walking around executing the Hat's orders with Davy attached to his back, with his feet on Mike trying to get leverage.
"You, why do you have that Monkeeman attached to you?" asked the Hat. Mike shrugged and backed into a wall.
"YEOWCH! MIIIKKKEEE!" cried Davy, falling off.
He got up and adjusted his glasses.
"HMPH!" he said and went to hide behind Micky.
"Okay, BT, stop playing with that infernal Monkeeman. Take the cork out and SPLASH him!" said the Hat.
Micky ducked though and the potion hit Davy.
"HELP HELP MICKY I'M FROZEN!" said Davy.
Micky was about to help but BT kept splashing the potion about.
"Sorry Davy let me think!" said Micky running upstairs.
"Well you'll be too late!" said the hat, poofing up a large sombrero and putting it on Davy's head.
Inside Peter's mind:
"Whoa, Davy!" said Al.
"Uh oh, not you too!" said Mike.
"Oh goodie more company!" said Peter happily. Davy sneered at him.
"Dayveeeeeeeeeee!!" BT said stupid-scaredly & crawled into his lap.
Davy made a horrendous face & stood up abruptly, going to hide behind Mike. From that safe distance he made a milk fall over BT's head.
"OUCH!" Al said loudly.
"What?" said Mike.
"Somebody stepped on my foot," Al replied.
Mike gave her a funny look. "Okie Al, that's nice," he said & poofed up a sandwich.
*Back in the pad*
"I don't care," said the hat. "It doesn't matter what you do to AL, it won't affect meee!" it said gleefully.
Micky made a disgusted face & stomped on Al's foot again. She sort of flinched a tiny bit but her expression barely flickered.
"I don't care, la la-la laaa, I don't ca-are la la-la laaa, I don't-" the hat started singing.
Micky looked absolutely revolted, & went to the kitchen to see what Mike was doing.
"Hum hum hum," Mike hummed absently, & basted the chicken.
Micky stared in horror. "You can't do that!! I must SAVE THE TEXAS PRAIRIE CHICKEN!!"
"Al-right you may help," Mike said mechanically, & pulling a chef's hat & apron out of his pocket (how they got there no one knows) & put them on Micky over his Monkeeman suit (the overall effect was nothing short of ridiculous).
"AH YOU CAN'T- oohhh I must baste the turkey!" Micky said.
"It's a chicken," Mike said & handed him a brush.
*Back in Peter's mind*
"MICKYYYYYYYYYY I'M SOOOO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!!!!" BT shrieked & knocked Al over while running at Micky, & flung herself into his arms.
Micky dropped her to the ground unceremoniously. "Thanks a LOT, wish I could say the same," he said sarcastically.
"Man, way to go Micky, you were our last hope," Mike growled.
"No, Davy was...Micky is hopeless," Al pointed out.
"Oh, true," said Davy.
"Hmmmm," said Peter, & made a little pile of fifty chocolate chips.
"WHAT are you doing?" Mike said, peering over his shoulder.
"Oh, I'm making chocolate chips," Peter said happily.
"Aww, that's nice," Mike said, patting Peter on the shoulder & casting a worried glance at Al, who mouthed "He does that."
Suddenly Micky giggled. "BT, do you have any remote idea of how DUMB you look as a scientist chick person?" he said, & rolled around laughing.
BT made the WORST face & poofed her regular clothes on, making a really really horrible modification to the worst face, making it so bad in fact that Micky went back to being curly haired.
"OOH BT!" he said, & lunged toward her.
"OOHH no, we do NOT need this," Al said, & blinked at Micky.
"THANKS," Micky said.
"Okay, now, I know we can fix this, because the authors always end stories in dumb haphazard stupid ways. So let's think of one..." said Al, thinking hard.
It really hurt so she only thought.
"I know.. no wait.. never mind. Davy?"
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........." said Davy.
"Don't do that." said Mike. Peter was humming along happily and made a puppy face.
"Okay, you can't use your powers, you can't use your bodies..." said Davy, staring spacily at Al and BT "You can't .. oh wait! I know. Peter!"
"What?" said Peter.
"No, you.. we're in YOUR mind! Maybe we can use your mind to influence your body!" said Davy.
"Wow, Davy you're really smart!' said BT.
"I'm smarter." muttered Mike.
"HOW?" asked Al.
"HOW!?" asked Davy and BT and began giggling.
"OH STOPPIT THAT IS GETTING SOOO OLD!" said Al, smacking them with a large herring a piece. "Now HOW *evil looks* are we going to get Peter to influence his body?"
"Ummm, we could... wait, the subconscious!" said Mike.
"Wow Mike you're smart!" said BT.
"Ha, I told you." said Mike with a goofy grin.
Al led them all over to Peter's subconscious.
"Hello?" she said into the intercom.
"Hellllooo?" a voice answered.
"Yes, we need to talk to Peter's subconscious please!" said Al.
"Oh, that naughty BT isn't around is she?"
"Well, yes but this is Al so I'll punch her." said Al.
"Okay then. You may enter!" said the voice, and there was a click.
A door appeared as if from nowhere and they all went in.
Sitting in front of a microphone was a big house cat. She was playing with dials and stuff in front of a huge screen with swirly colours that were presumably Peter's subconscious.
"How ya doin' Kitty?" asked BT, rubbing her fur the wrong way.
"MREOW!" said the cat, and scratched BT.
"WAAAAAAAHHHHHH KITTY WAS MEAN TO ME!" said BT.
"No my name is NOT Kitty its Puma, and you KNOW I hate having my fur rubbed the wrong way!" said Puma.
"I know..." said BT with an evil grin.
Puma hissed and then looked at Al pleadingly.
"Oh, sorry." said Al and punched BT.
Then everyone fell on Davy cause it hasn't been done in a while. After that was over and Davy went to the corner to sulk, Al asked Puma to tell Peter's subconscious what to do.
Back in the pad...
Peter suddenly jumped into the center of the room & smiled broadly, & then started posing.
"I'm a little teapot, short & stout...here is my handle, here is my spout..."
The hat looked annoyed & made him stop.
Peter went up & poked the hat about forty times until it made him stop that too.
Then he went & flipped the propellor about twenty times until it made him stop everything.
The hat made him go sit on the couch & fall asleep. But then Peter woke up & went to the kitchen, got a can of tomato juice, borrowed the can opener from Micky, opened it, and walked back into the living room.
"Hi Hat!" he said cheerfully.
"Go away," said the hat irritably, "I'm busy."
Peter responded by happily pouring the tomato juice all over it.
"EEWWWWOURGHGH YOU'VE STAINED MEEEE & GUMMED UP MY PROPELLOR!! OOHHH I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" said the hat, leaping off of Al's head without thinking.
Al instantly snapped back into her regular self & poofed the hat into oblivion before it could get Peter. Mike & Micky came running in from the kitchen, & Mike, BT, & Davy perked up, and there was much rejoicing.
"Yaaayy," said everyone unenthusiastically.
"MICKY YOU SAAAAAVED US ALLLL," BT said throwing herself at him.
"Huuuhh? I did NOT, you foopy boofer, get OFF me," said Micky, shoving BT the odd scientist chick off.
Davy giggled at Micky. "You're still wearing the silly Monkeeman-chef combination outfit!" he said.
Micky looked down at what he was wearing, & panicked. "But how...HOW???!!!" he said and giggled.
"STOP THAT RIGHT THIS INSTANT," Al said very loudly.
"Okay," Micky said in a very small voice indeed & went to change.
"Peter? No more hats, 'kay?" Al said gently.
"Gently is a funny word!" Peter said.
"But no more hats, right?"
"Well...okay. But oh, I forgot to mention, I found this scarf too, on the sidewalk." Peter pulled a scarf out of his pocket & displayed it. "Isn't it pretty?" he said, putting it on.
The remaining Monkees & the figment chicks stared into the camera glibly & said, "Here we go again!!!"
Next Issue: BT makes a clone of Micky, resulting in incredibly odd circumstances & suchlike.