Introducing the second exciting
installment of the Al & BT chronicles...

Psychiatrically Insane

Once Al and BT were playing around in Peter's imagination when they accidentally stepped on his foot pedal.
"YEOWCH" cried Peter and Micky, Davy and Mike looked at him funny "What's wrong?" asked Davy.
"Al and BT stepped on my foot." he said.
The guys just stared and didn't know what to think.
"You must be out of your bird!" cried Micky.
"No no that's my line!" said Davy.
Micky regurgitated it and tried to give it back.
"Uh, that's okay, Mick." Davy said with a look of disgust.
Mike slapped them both lightly upside the heads.
"Come on guys. Let's get Peter to see a psychiatrist!"

They picked Peter up & carried him out to the car, kicking and whinging.
"But I did!!! I mean, they did! Al & BT-"
"Shhhh, Peter. So, ah, where we gonna find a psychiatrist?" said Micky.
"Ummm...well, we could check the phonebook," Davy said.

Just then, a kid rode by on a bicycle holding up a giant sign what said "Dr. Squirk, Psychiatrist At Large."
"Dr. Squirk?" said everyone.

(Fifteen minutes later, in Dr. Squirk's waiting room, despite the fact that they didn't know how to get there...)

Peter wasadmitted in to the doctor's room and though the other guys tried, they could not get in.
"Oh well." they sighed and picked up various odd magazines to read.

Peter was lying on the couch when the Dr. pulled out a writing pad and a pencil.
"Now, Mr. Tork." he said. "Tell me about... Al and BT."
"Well, I made up Al when I was about 15 and then Al made up BT because she was bored and they always come out whenever I fall asleep, or at least that's what the guys say," said Peter in a quick jumble.
The Dr. looked confused. "Yes, well look at this watch... and follow it with your eyes."
Peter obliged and in no time he was hypnotized.

"Now, Peter, I want you to force Al and BT out of your psyche for good and then we can start..."
But before he had finished, Al and BT really did appear.
Dr. Squirk was horrified.
"Who... who are you!?' he stammered.
"Why, Al and BT, respectively." Said Al.
"Yep! You called?" said BT.

"Ah...I, ah...that is...are you...why did...who...D'SKRNZ!" said the psychiatrist.
"So who're you?" said BT, walking around and messing with various objects.
"I, uh, I'm...a psychiatrist...and...I....have...am...I'm...uh..."
"You should see a doctor about that speech impediment," said BT, and promptly started taking the watch with which Peter had been hypnotized apart.

"So...why're we here?" said Al. "Oh, wait...obviously we're here because Peter's asleep. Let me rephrase that - why is Peter here?" "He...um...that is...er...I..."
"Well, he's no help," said Al, opening the door and leaving the office.
Then Al came back in, grabbed BT and had her help cart Peter out the door back to the other waiting Monkees.
Davy, Mike and Micky looked a bit shocked, but they weren't very surprised to see the duo.

Davy instantly had twinkles in his eyes and started following Al again. And BT instantly dropped her end of Peter (feet end luckily) and ran over to assault Micky.
Al and Micky groaned, "Not again!" and BT giggled mischievously whilst Davy whined and crooned and sang and promised things.

Mike looked annoyed at the whole thing and slapped BT and Davy back to their senses.
"Come on guys! We got to get Peter back! How do we unhyptnotize him?" Mike asked as Squirk appeared in the doorway. He was holding the dismantled watch.
"I hadn't finished with him yet and they broke the watch. For some reason whenever I hypnotize people it has to be done with the same item used.. and that one broke it!" he said pointing to BT who looked innocent as a bee.
Micky sighed. "Look what you did now!" he shouted. But only managed to get a BT for a new appendage.

"So he's STUCK like that?!" said Mike, plainly horrified.
"You're not a very good p-sychiatrist, are you?" said Al bluntly.
"I didn't break the watch, anyway," BT said. "I just took it apart."
"Well, man, d'y'think you could put it back together?" said Davy anxiously.
"Hmmm...I don't know...I might not remember how."

"If you know how to, man, you sure better do it..." Mike started.
"Are you sure maybe snapping your fingers or clappin' or somethin' wouldn't wake him up?" Micky asked the psychiatrist, who was cowering in the corner.

He slowly walked over and tried everything from clapping to poking Peter, to dancing the macarena (yes, that horrible dance, which incidentally hadn't even been thought up yet! Shock shock). But nothing worked.
"Sorry..." he said sheepishly. But then turned very red and began to yell. "Hey! You're friend is a crackpot! Had his stupid figments not come out..."

Al was tugging at his shirt.
"WHAT!?" yelled Al. "EXCUSE me but BT is MY figment and nothing of Peter's."
The doctor looked at this obviously proud thing and laughed hard.
BT socked him in the gut and he sobered up.
"SEE WHAT I MEAN!? They are TERRORS!"
Just then Mike has an idea.

"Hey, maybe if you put those two to sleep or hypnotize them or something, Peter would wake up!" he said.
"I don't know...." said Squirk. But he took out a ball of string and proceeded to point at BT.
"NOOO! I DUN WANNNANANAAAA!" she shouted. But Micky and Mike held her in a chair.

Squirk had her hypnotized shortly (after many boof-ups because she was shouting and crying so) and BT fell on the floor and started acting like a dog.
Everyone was puzzled.
Peter, however, began to assume a zombie-state and walked around moaning with his arms straight out. This confused everyone.

"I DON'T GET IT!" shouted the psychiatrist and proceeded to pull out some of his hair.
"Well, Peter's a zombie & BT is a dog. Maybe since...since their hypnotizations are, like, linked, you could unhypnotize both of them with the same thing you used to hypnotize BT." said Al.
"Nope...won't work. Besides that, your bill is growing every minute..." said the psychiatrist in a very aggravated tone.
"Ah...well...HUDDLE!" Mike shouted, and quickly pulled Davy Al & Micky in to talk.

"Okay...if we manage to wake Peter & BT up, and then hypnotize the guy, we won't have to worry about a bill of any sort...besides, it was kinda silly to bring Pete here in the first place...we know he's hopelessly insane. Y'with me?"
"Sure," said everyone.
"Al...since BT is your figment...do you know of any ways to wake her up?"
"Mmm....I could try something, but I don't think it'd work."
"Well, go for it anyway."

The group broke, and smiled strangely at the psychiatrist, assuming nonchalant positions.
Al leaned over to BT and whispered something...but BT just made a funny dog-like noise and ran around in circles.
"It's no good, I can't do it," Al whispered to Mike.
"Okay, well, um...I'm at a loss," he said.

Everyone turned to look at Peter, who was walking into a wall, and had been trying to do so for the last five minutes to no avail.
Davy walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. "'Ey, Pete? Peter?" No response.
Suddenly Davy looked up with a glow in his eyes and said "I GOT IT!"
Everyone looked at him except Peter. BT had spied the string and turned into a cat. Al groaned.

Davy meandered over to Micky and whispered something.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" he shouted after he heard Davy's plan.
"Come on man, you have to! It might just work!" Davy insisted.
Micky signed and walked over to BT. "Uh.. hi.. kitty..." he said.
BT tried to claw his eyes out. "HEY! DAVY THIS IS NUTS!"
Davy gave Micky a look and Micky sighed.

Mike was smiling stupidly at the scene in front of them and Al was sitting on Peter's head. How she got there no one knows.
Micky heaved BT off the floor and sat her in a chair. She immediately sat like a cat and stared at him. Micky sighed and threw the ball of yarn at her face.
BT mewed. Micky dangled the string above BT's face. BT swatted at it. Micky tried to pick BT up again. BT hissed. "Hey, it's no use," Micky sighed.
BT jumped into Micky's lap and somehow fit comfortably. Micky groaned loudly.

Al marched over to Micky and whispered some more into his ear.
"Hey! I'm NOT kissing a cat!" he shouted. And then he turned bright red as everyone in the office looked at him (except Peter).
Al sighed and hauled BT to her feet and held her face to face so she couldn't go down on all fours. But evil BT the cat had the string and proceeded to hypnotize Micky and Al. Al fell flat on her face and shouted loudly.

Micky started acting like a chicken. Evil BT the cat grinned and curled up in her warm chair again.
Davy sighed and picked Al up. Peter started sleepwalking.
"'EY! Peter's.. sorta.. awake..." Davy said.
Al kept yelling her head off, Micky was banging his head into the floor, BT was ignoring everyone, and Peter was banging into things right and left.

"Man, this has gotta stop before we're ALL hypnotized!" said Mike.
"But you know, I heard you're never supposed to wake a sleepwalker up," said Davy.
"Why not?"
"Oh, you get seven years bad luck or something, I don't remember."
"Well forget that...we gotta get 'em outta this."
"Hey...ah, where'd the shrink go?" said Davy.

The two remaining sane Monkees looked around the room, but Dr. Squirk was nowhere to be seen.
"Okay, look at it this way. We don't have to pay him," Mike quipped.
"Yeah, but neither of us knows anything about hypnotizing or unhypnotizing people!!" Davy said in a panicky voice.
"Well, we- HEY!! BT!!! STOP THAT NOW!!!" Mike clapped his hands in the BT-cat's direction. She was currently shredding the lovely chair to bits.

BT paused and stared at Mike, hopping off the chair as if she had planned to do so all along. Catching sight of the ball of string, she pounced on it.
"OH no you don't!" Mike & Davy both said, and grabbed BT. Davy managed to get the string away from her, and Mike hurriedly dropped her so as to avoid serious injury.
The evil kitty made an unpleasant hissing sound and walked over to the corner and sat down.

Al was still laying on the floor yelling.
"Davy? Is she even saying anything, man?"
Davy listened intently for a minute. "No, she really isn't. But maybe if she keeps it up, Peter'll wake up," he said grinning wickedly.
Mike walked over to Sleepwalking-Peter, who was currently back in the doctor's office, kicking the psychiatrist couch for reasons that will probably forever remain unknown.
"Peter?...Peeee-terrrr..." Mike waved a hand in front of his face. Still no response.

Back in the waiting room, Al was still yelling, Micky had given up banging his head in the floor and was running around in circles, and BT-evil-cat-person was still sitting.
But just then, a girl came into the waiting room with an old man.
"Oh, my..." she said, surveying the chaos with a mixture of interest and disbelief. "Is this the office of Dr. Squirk?"
"Yes," Davy said, at the same time Mike (who had just come back from the office) said "No!"

"Well, which is it, yes or no?"
"Yes," said Davy, stepping in front of Mike.
"Yes it is, or yes it isn't?"
"Yes."
"Please, will you just give me a straight answer, is this his office or isn't this his office, yes or no?"
"No."
"Now, when you said no, did you mean that this-"
"If you'll excuse us, miss...we're having some trouble here...ahhhh, call us & we'll reschedule your appointment," Mike said politely herding her & the old man out the door and shutting it.

"AAAAAAAUAURRRGGGHHH!!" he yelled in exasperation.

The two left and Davy and Mike sighed with relief.
Davy picked up Al and propped her against a desk. "THANK YOU" she shouted and smiled warmly.
BT the evil kitty came over and started using her as a scratching post. "OUCH MAKE HER STOP OUCH I'M BLEEEEDDDIIINNNG" she shouted agian. Davy sighed and kicked BT, but that only resulted in a hissing spitting clawing mass to be attached to his shoe.
"HEY! BT would.. would you PLEASE get off??" he shouted and kicked her into the office where Peter was. BT smacked Peter squarely in the head and he came to his senses.
Al winked and disappeared. BT walked in with a dazed look on her face, and began to disappear as Peter looked more away.

"Huh, what would you know!?' proclaimed Mike as Peter came to and back to normal.
"Wow guys, I had another weird dream!" he said as he looked at Micky who was sitting on the floor still clucking.
"UH OH!" cried Davy and Mike, with Peter looking on in shock and amazement.
"What HAPPENED?" he said, just staring at his clucking friend.

"You want the long story or the short story?" Mike said sighing.
"Short, please."
"You-nuts-shrink-bring-BT-Al-appear-watch-break-can't-undo, BT-cat-Micky-chicken-you-zombie-me-tarzan-you-jane, people-come-go-away-now-Micky-still-chicken."
Peter looked as hopelessly confused as ever, and turned to Davy with a bemused look about him.

"Ah...well, Micky thinks he's a chicken."
"Oh. Why?"
"Well, it all started when-"
"Never mind," said Mike. "Does anybody still have the ball of string?" He looked around. "Oh man...BT had it when she disappeared, didn't she?"

Silence.

"Um...oh boy."
Peter, suddenly dressed as a farmhand, scattered a bunch of chicken feed in front of Micky who started gobbling it up happily, making silly chicken sounds.
"Well, at least he's happy," Davy remarked sarcastically.

(Meanwhile, back in Peter's mind...)
"BT!!! You know you're supposed to let go of anything you have with you when you feel yourself fading!!!" Al said sternly.
"I don't remember fading though!! I was a cat, wasn't I?" said BT, sticking her tongue out & turning around.
"GIVE ME THAT STRING," said a voice from behind them.

They both whirled to face none other than Dr. Squirk.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" they both shouted.
"I don't know!" he said, and pulled the other half of his hair out.

"We'd better get him out - Peter can't support that much in his head as it is," quipped Al.
"How'd'we do that?" said BT, who was eating a popsicle.
"Where'd you get the popsicle?"
BT smiled mischievously.
"Oh, well, never mind that - so, uh, Mr. doctor person, ah...ooh." Al said, trying to think furiously.

Mike and Davy decided they had to put Peter back to sleep to get the string.
"But how?" Davy whispered loudly asMike and Davy held conference.
"SHHH do you want Peter to hear?!" Mike whispered loudly.
"He.. I dunno." Davy sighed.
"Sorry buddy." Mike said, grabbing a big book. He winced as he smacked Peter over the head. Peter made a goofy face and then went unconscious.

Davy went over to Peter's ear and shouted "HEY AL AND BT! PETER'S OUT COLD! BRING THE STRING!" but Al and BT were already out and looking at Davy oddly. Between them they held the Doctor. Davy and Mike looked at them strangely. BT was scowling.
"He tried to steal our home!" BT said angrily.
"I didn't!" shouted the now-bald psychiatrist.
"Aw, Peter's drooling!" said Al, who whipped out a hanky.

And since this story is weird and long, they got the string, snapped Micky out of it, and made the Doc give back all the money he scammed out of people. THE END LOL

In the next issue, Al and Davy get stuck in Peter's imagination with lots of birdseed and pistachio nuts!

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